- November 19, 2013 at 3:54 pm #425978
My wedding is drawing near and I am currently in invitation mode. FH and I have decided to only have children over 12 years+ attending our wedding (with the exception of our flower girl Zahlia and her sister April, FH’s Niece’s) as we feel that older children will enjoy the event more than the young ones would and will also behave themselves. Also the numbers of young children we originally had on the guest list were getting out of hand.
I am trying to find the best way to word the ruling to my family members who have children in multiple age groups, where some children may attend but others are not old enough. I know one of my cousins in particular has a reputation for being upset and making a fuss when some or all of her children are excluded from such events (Mind you, she has 5 children).
As an example, lets say Mr & Mrs Smith have 3 children, Jill (15yrs), Jack (10yrs) and Bob (8yrs).
I was thinking of specifying exactly who is invited by writing it out like this:
Outer Envelope: Mr and Mrs Smith
We are not having an inner envelope
We request your response by 1st March 2014
Mr John Smith __ Accepts with Pleasure ___ Declines with RegretMrs Jane Smith __ Accepts with Pleasure ___ Declines with RegretMiss Jill Smith __ Accepts with Pleasure ___ Declines with Regret
I was planning on leaving the RSVP card like that, thinking it is self explanatory, but prior to having the invites made up, I also wanted to phone the parents of such age groups, like Mr and Mrs Smith, explain the situation and ask them personally whether or not they would like us to include Jill’s name on their invite or not as we understand it may cause upset and hurt feelings amongst the children.
Has anyone else got an age cut-off? How are you handling these sorts of issues?
All opinions welcome, I want to handle this nicely and have it as smooth and pain-free as possible.
Mrs. Bum (Jess)November 21, 2013 at 7:51 pm #426135
Hmmm…. I think this is going to cause issues. I get the age cut-off, but I think feelings would be hurt when some siblings can come and others can’t. I would go for no kids, or come up with a different cut off that doesn’t split up the kids in the same family. We weren’t going to have kids but their meals only cost $15, and we will be so busy and having so much fun, we won’t even notice them.
In my experience, people don’t really read invites – we wrote kid’s names on ours and still got questions about if kids could come!December 19, 2013 at 12:02 pm #428664
It seems strange to allow only 12+ but to have younger children in the bridal party, it sends the wrong message and will ruffle feathers in your family and friends, especially as you say some are quite sensitive around the issue. Unfortunately you may have to go for an all-or-nothing approach, make it clear in the invites, and if you have a wedding website, put it in the FAQ section. If you don’t have a website, maybe consider including a little seperate piece of paper in the invite bundle with extra info stating that for safety and personal reasons you wish to only invite young adults and older.
We have similar issues with wanting to restrict younger children, so we are compromising by having a child-friendly ceremony and an 18+ reception. We will have seperate invites to the ceremony and reception so as to keep costs and numbers down; as well as a cocktail hour to ensure everyone will be able to get something to eat and play some games (which will be child-appropriate as well like scavenger hunts).
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