- January 11, 2014 at 3:50 pm #429535
Im new to this forum and I got engaged about 6 months ago and getting married in november this year! Ive recently been put into a hard position (IMO) as my mum is upset she is not walking me the down aisle. My parents seperated 3 years ago and have not spoken since and my mum is very hurt by the whole situation, although I am very close to my dad and have always been a daddys girl and pictured him walking me down the aisle which he is really excited he is doing. My mum and I are close but not very and I dont think we have a typically close mother daughter relationship (specially over the past few years) and everytime I bring up my wedding she gets upset and doesnt talk about it and finds it hard to contribute which I understand why. She recently asked me who was walking me down the aisle and I said my dad is and she responded with arent I going to as well? I never really had thought about this and am really torn as I know its made her upset that I havnt asked her but I dont think I could handle having both parents walk me down the aisle as I know all my mother will do is cry and sob and it will make me feel very awkward and uneasy…we havnt even been able to celebrate our engagement as both parents cant be in the same room. Has anyone elso been in this situation? or have any advice? Im the youngest daughter with 2 older brothers so I dont want to hurt anyones feelingsJanuary 16, 2014 at 9:45 pm #429986
Congratulations on your engagement =)
I am in a simliar situation. My mum and dad separated when i was 2 and my dad has never really been around to much when i was growing up, therefore my mum and i are really close. I was going to have my mum walk me down the aisle but have recentley changed my mind (Due to a terrible dream i had that my father passed away). So i have decided to have one on each arm. I just figure life is to short and when i look back in 20 years time i will be so happy that i had both of them there with me, regardless of how often he was around he is still my dad. Do what feels right for you, its your day and they both should respect your decision. Good luck =)January 22, 2014 at 7:25 pm #430378
Congratulations, I’m sorry your mother is making things difficult.
It sounds like you already know what you want, and your mother is trying to make you feel guilty and get what she wants. She needs to recognise that this is your day, the only time where you get to celebrate your relationship the way you want to, and where you get to make these choices without anyone else getting involved. You may just need to tell her that you have made the decision, however you would love to include her in other ways. Maybe have her hand out programs, flower petals, say a small speech, quote or poem, or have a special mother-of-the-bride photo. Make her feel special and included without giving into her demands so that you can both be happy.
My fiancee has a similar issue where her mother wants to walk her down the aisle, her parents split when she was young and she has a strained relationship with her mother. She wants her father to walk her down; but knows her mother will create drama, complain and make a scene and is stressing about how she should handle it.
There’s no straightforward answer other than to attempt to re-direct her, but it will depend a lot on her personality and you being able to put up with her.
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