- March 14, 2013 at 10:26 pm #360409
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I have a wedding etiquette question to pose and would appreciate your wisdom. It’s a bit complicated, so please bear with me.
My fiancé and I are getting married in August of this year. A dear friend of mine has been dating a guy for approximately one year. They have a strange relationship, more like mates than boyfriend/girlfriend and she has recently been considering ending things with him as he doesn’t seem very interested in a long-term future with her.
We gave her a Save the Date intended for both of them (though I didn’t really specify at the time). We are finalising the guest list and I sent her a message asking whether or not he would be attending (knowing they were on shaky ground). She replied that she didn’t know he was invited and hadn’t mentioned the wedding to him.
Neither my fiancé or I care for this guy much due to some personality clashes. However, knowing he was dating a friend, we included him on the guest list. Now I am stuck. Do I tell her he is not invited (and risk breaking etiquette rules and hurting my friend)? Knowing they may not be together at the time of the wedding, do we include him anyway and if they break up, do we still have to invite him? I feel awkward giving her a generic ‘And Guest’ on an invitation because if they do break up, we are still obligated to let her bring someone and would feel weird if she bought someone we didn’t know (we have no mutual friends, but I would also feel bad if she knew no one else at the wedding but my fiancé and I).
Maybe I am overthinking this, but I can’t seem to reach a solution. Advice appreciated.April 6, 2013 at 9:27 am #374383
Hopefully this isn’t too late, just saw your post now. I think you are being a great friend with how you are dealing with this! I would explain to her that if SHE would like to have him along as her guest than he is more than welcome to attend. Inviting him along is the nice thing to do, but leaving it in her court is the right thing to do, so yes a touch tricky. If you send the invitation to her address (assuming they aren’t living together?) then that should hopefully demonstrate that she is the primary invitee- given that it is her you are friends with this should also be understood without it needing to be explained. If you chat to her about it again just say we are writing out the invites, and would like to know if you want to bring him along as her guest. That way it is in her court. Also, write her name first on the invitation.
*If* there is a break-up, I don’t imagine they would attend together, and as she is the primary friend and the invitation will be sent to her address you would hope only she would attend. If they do brake up, just deal with that when you come to it.
Hope that makes some sense and helps
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