- March 3, 2014 at 7:48 pm #433967
I have a close friend who recently showed me what she is wearing to my wedding, its is a white corset style dress with tiny red dots on it, short in length but still majority is white. She asked if it was appropiate to wear and also for my permission to wear it. I didn’t really answer her as i was shocked that she would even think of wearing white to a wedding, also i was having a bad day re: the wedding(but about other things) so couldn’t say anything. I think is a big no-no and there are so many dresses out there, why do you have to wear white to a wedding, also if you feel like you need to ask for permission, then maybe you shouldn’t wear it! It is now playing on my mind and i feel really upset about it. I don’t want to tell people what to wear to my wedding but shouldn’t it be a standard and just polite not to wear white!!!!!!March 4, 2014 at 12:02 am #433972
I have two words: “So what?!”
The world isn’t traditional anymore, and depending on the level of formality people wear white (and all manner of other colours to weddings. A lotof brides no longer wear the traditional white/ivory dresses, some have bridesmaids or even the mother of the bride/groom etc. dressed in white or pastel shades. It’s a modern world.
From the sounds of it, the dress doesn’t sound wedding-dress-like at all, it s covered in red polka-dots! It just happens to have a white base, you don’t know if the dots are big small or anything else, you’re just getting caught up on one word: White.
She asked your permission because she’s a nice person (not because it is the wrong thing to do); and if you’re trying to control what other people are wearing (especially as she was trying to be considerate and ask about your feelings) then you’re heading into bridezilla territory.
Calm down about it, if you really have to you can add an insert or paragraph into your invites stating the dress code (e.g. black-tie) as well as some polite and carefully-worded recommendations, which should rule out less casual styles, however it is up to the guests to interpret that advice and they can wear whatever they choose.
March 4, 2014 at 9:58 pm #434129
it would upset me too. It’s really inappropriate. People have no idea about etiquette these days!March 5, 2014 at 12:30 pm #434555
She asked if it was appropriate to wear, so just let her know that you would prefer that she pick something else in a different colour. This is not worth getting upset about, and I would assume other guests will have to common sense to not wear white.March 5, 2014 at 2:01 pm #434557
I had the same issue with my MIL wearing Ivory, then expressed her feelings about my bridesmaids wearing purple, because “purple is her colour”.
Happy G commented on my post too when I asked for advice on this forum, and no offense at all to you Happy G, but what you have to be mindful of is that April-Bride is upset about this and asking for advice, not ridicule. I remember when I had the same issue and it was really upsetting to be ridiculed some more when I was already very upset. Anyway, lets not dive into a topic about me. This is about your issue now.
I think its just different view points. I personally do think its inappropriate to wear white/ivory to a wedding and isn’t necessarily bridezilla to request a colour change, depending on how you approach it.
The difficult thing is that you have already left your friend thinking that you are ok with her wearing the dress so now you have 2 options, either let it go or (depending on how close this friend is) bring it up again with her and explain that you’re feeling like she’s stepping on your toes a bit wearing white as well. She might be surprisingly understanding. If not, then as Happy G said, don’t let it absorb you, just do your best to let it go.
Best of luck,
March 5, 2014 at 3:10 pm #434577
This friend did ask and you missed your opportunity to say something. If she is a close friend I would suggest catching up over coffee and saying something like ‘I had a think about what you are wearing and to be honest I’m not comfortable with you wearing a white dress’
If she is a close friend she’ll understand. I think you need to speak up and be firm but polite. Try to avoid being aggressive or defensive. Speak to her on a day when you’re calm and not too busy.
I understand your frustration and I hope it all gets sorted outMarch 6, 2014 at 3:44 pm #434669
I am completely with you in that wearing that much white to a wedding is inappropriate (although I think you can get away with a little white, providing it isn’t the main colour).
Because you have basically left your friend thinking that it is okay to wear the dress, my suggestion is to have another close mutual friend approach her and enquire about what she is wearing to the wedding. When she describes the dress or shows a picture of it, have this other friend politely say that perhaps it is a little too much white for a wedding. If this girl says that you are okay with it, have the other friend respond that perhaps you didn’t want to hurt her feelings or something. She may come back and ask you again (if so, make sure that you say you would prefer something with a little less white), she may take the other friend’s word for it or she may just wear whatever she wants.March 10, 2014 at 10:21 pm #434823
The thing is, she asked you, and gave you an opportunity to say something; to come back now after she has probably planned her outfit, bought matching accessories and thinks it’s fine, isn’t fair. She gave you an opportunity to object, and you didn’t. If I were her, I would be annoyed, as it would look like you’d suddenly changed your mind; in her place I would be inclined to say that I can wear what I want as long as it is formal attire.
As for the charming personal attack from Mrs. Bum, a forum is a place to express opinions; those opinions differ from person to person, and having a differing opinion does not mean that someone is ridiculing you. Asking a question in a public sphere is an opportunity to hear a third-party give a new opinion, not a place to have everyone inflate your ego by agreeing with you. Everyone has issues when they ask a question, some of those issues are blown out of proportion by the asker and occasionally a member will seek to give some perspective. It is up to the OP if they decide that information is relevant to them.
March 17, 2014 at 2:30 pm #435284
Happy G I accept that it is a public forum and I have nothing against different opinions.
I apologise if you felt attacked. Perhaps this is another difference of opinion. If you read my comment again I wasn’t attacking you, I was pointing out that for me at least, your “So What” get-over-it approach was upsetting and may have been to April-Bride as well, so perhaps you could to tone it down a bit. But that decision lies with you.
I am truly sorry if you were offended.
I like you Happy G, You have great input across many of the forums here.March 19, 2014 at 7:11 pm #435524
No hard feelings Mrs. Bum?
I simply said “so what” in a form of jest (which is hard to convey online) as in, “There’s no need to stress over it, worse things could be happening”, not so much “get over it”. My point is that the OP should probably look at it from the perspective of her guest before becoming so upset. Weddings are so diverse these days, so a lot of guests don’t expect brides to have such a traditional approach. I think it’s important to put yourself in someone else’s shoes to help put things into perspective, especially as wedding planning can be so stressful (we’ve all been there where we let something get to us more than it probably should).
I think it’s an opportunity for the OP to talk to her guests, because knowing what they think is ok will help her decide what sort of information is worth putting in the invite package. Even though a wedding is stressful, if you’re letting a polka-ddot dress ruin your day, then IMHO you’re not getting the most out of getting married.
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