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Vent and a question

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Melissa Brooks 2 years, 10 months ago.

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  • #430644

    Oh lordie do I need a good vent and some advice. I feel like I talk a biy too much about my wedding and what silly thing my htb is doing this week and dont want to constantly burden them so I thought i’d come here.
    First up on my list of peeves right now is when my fiancé says one thing one month then when I bring it up again it’s a terrible idea for example at my cousins wedding last year both of us were mortified by the first dance (or lack of) they played a song he held her bum and they swayed a bit for a solid 3 minutes. Not long after we got engaged we agreed we’d take some dance lessons so our dance would be basic but a bit more than that, now I have two left feet so the more time I have to practice the better when I asked him today when do you want to start dance lessons to see if he was the same and might take a bit longer to pick things up we’d start sooner he was pretty horrified obviously forgetting it was his idea to start with and just responded with I don’t really -_- on top of that I’ve been left to do and chase everything which at first I was fine with but now im quite overwhelmed because I can’t even get an opinion out of himnot even suggestions on where we could honeymoon. My question is how can I get him to be a bit more involved.
    My next quite big worry is we set a budget and decided we would be paying for the wedding ourselves and whoever helps will just be a bit of a blessing my mum has already said she will help but hasn’t said what with and my dad may or not but I feel a bit rude asking becausw of our decision.  However all the deposits and things being bought I’ve been paying for, I don’t mind contributing what I can but I have a son with a disability so instead of working I stay home and care for him so my income is limited and im starting to get worried that I’ll end up paying for all of it which is really unlike him could something be up maybe cold feet has anyone gone through something similar or have suggestions on how to bring it up it’s all stressing me out.

    #430645

    *them being my bridesmaids

    #430651

    BecT86
    Member

    Hi Kassandra,
    My fiance is rather useless to help plan the wedding and when I ask him questions such as colours or flowers i usually get the response ‘do what you want’ or ‘i dont care’. He is however planning our honeymoon. I suggest to give him jobs that you know he’ll enjoy, eg. organising the cars. Get yourself a planner or checklist of some description, they are usually separated into sections such as 1 yr before, 6-9months etc so it helps when you see that theres not too much to do if you just concentrate on a bit at a time :-)
    As for the budget…if you don’t have one already, open a joint savings account (separate from the daily spending account) to save for the wedding. You can each put a set amount in each week to pay for the wedding/honeymoon. We worked out how much the wedding and honeymoon should cost, then divided that by the number of wks until our wedding and make sure we have that much going in each week (we put in 50% of this each so its equal). All wedding costs come out of this account, even if its specifically for you such as jewelery. After the wedding it can be a regular savings account!
    We’re paying for most of our wedding but our families are contributing by paying for something in particular, such as the cake or flowers or wedding night accommodation. The best way to tackle if family are contributing is to simply ask them.

    #430876

    HappyG
    Member

    Awwh, it’s ok! I know it feels crazy and overwhelming but it is all a normal part of wedding planning.
     
    You guys need to work on communication, try not hang on to decisions made months ago, plans shift and change as your form your vision as a couple. Have a physical copy of plans you’ve both discussed and agreed on such as a scrap-book where you’re both contributing by cutting and pasting together and having bonding time where wedding planning is fun and more about envisioning than stressing over the small stuff. Also, you may need to acknowledge that your partner isn’t as interested in wedding planning as you, talk to him about it and use your bridal party for planning support as well.
     
    If you feel you need more financial support, be open about it with those who you hope may help and with your partner about where you stand, what your pressures are and how you can work to budget and reduce costs. If you don’t feel you can afford it on your own, put your child’s needs first. It is important to live within your means, save cost by looking into package-deals and going for less-expensive options, you may need to limit extras and compromise.
     
    As for the first dance, I think itis unfair to judge another couple for doing what works for them, and it shouldn’t be ‘inspiration’ for you to one-up them; it should be because that’s what works for you and makes you comfortable. Every couple is different, and while one couple may want to me mesmerised with one-another for their first dance; another couple may want something choreographed and perfectly timed.
     
     

    #431720

    Hi Kassandra,
     
    Maybe set aside a night per week to discuss wedding plans with htb and and let him know you’re overwhelmed and need help.
     
    As for your parents, ask if they’re still willing to contribute and if not that’s fine but if they please let you know how so you can continue planning the wedding. 
    When you say you’re paying for everything,  do you mean your fiance is not contributing? If so, stop paying for everything! That’s appalling! 

     

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