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Uninterested Bridesmaid – HELP!

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Jayo 3 years, 7 months ago.

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  • #378179

    Jayo
    Member

    One of my bridesmaids is an old childhood friend. I was tossing up between her and a more recent friend and my mum talked me into picking her. Since announcing the bridal party I’ve realised we have absolutely NOTHING in common. She also had no interest whatsoever in my life or the wedding. I invited her to the engagement party and she had forgotten about it despite months notice. Since leaving school we’ve sort of kept in touch from a distance and maybe talk once every 6 months. I thought with the wedding she’d be a little more excited and supportive but she still hasn’t been in contact and it’s been over 3 months since the last time we spoke. Since we both have busy lives, I’ve set up a fb group with all the bridesmaids but this one doesn’t even comment on or even look at anything I post. I have to tag her in messages to get her to look at things and even then she doesn’t answer questions or anything. To add to my concern (I honestly think she’d forget to come to the wedding or go to another party instead!) she dislikes, actually she hates, some of my old school friends and has said she’d take the mic of the MC and tell all the guests how horrible they are, ie. RUIN MY WEDDING! I did ask her if she was joking and actually said that would ruin our day but she said she was serious. I really need advice! At this stage I don’t think I can still have her as a bridesmaid but I don’t want to tell her in a way that will really offend her (part of me thinks she won’t even care) or even worse, destroy my mum’s relationship with her mum! The only real suggestion I’ve had is to not try to contact her for a few months and if she doesn’t contact me in say 3-6 months call her and tell her nicely that she doesn’t seem as committed as I would have liked and that I’d feel more comfortable if she attended as a guest (also not even sure if I can trust her as a guest if I invite my other friends). What should I do?

    #378327

    Hey Jayo, why is it that there’s always that one person who doesn’t care if they ruin the day? I definitely agree with the other suggestion, and wouldn’t contact her for a couple months and see what she does. After that I would ask her outright whether she even wants to be a bridesmaid as she’s uninterested and hasn’t made any effort whatsoever. Whether she says yes or no, I would turn around and tell her that she is under no circumstances to ruin your day with her immature and childish ways by dissing your other friends in front of the entire reception. I would put my foot down with her (obviously she needs it) and say it’s absolutely not acceptable, and if she does go ahead with it you will have her escorted from the venue, bridesmaid or no. Honestly, sounds like she’ll take off and not give it a second thought, but she needs to know where she stands. If she were that good a friend she wouldn’t dare think of grabbing the mic of the MC! If she doesn’t pull her head in and start growing up after that talk then I think you’re better off!
    Good luck!!

    #378615

    Jayo
    Member

    Thank you Emerald Bride! So I’m not being an over the top bridezilla! It’s nice to know my thoughts are actually reasonable. I’ll let you know how it all turns out, until then I’ll wait and see if she’ll call (so far it’s been almost 3 months already). 

    #382321

    Jayo
    Member

    I told her and she took it really well! We both cried over the phone (we live in different cities so face to face wasn’t really an option unless I waited for ages!) and it was a relief to find she doesn’t hate me for it and she understands how hard a decision it was. She’s still coming to the wedding (on her best behaviour) and although we’re still friends we’ve both realised we’re not a close as we used to be and it took this situation for us to realise it. Things could have ended much much worse. Thanks again for all the advice!

    #382745

    Hi Jayo, great to hear it ended so well! I’m so glad she was so understanding and accepting. Are you now going to ask your other friend to be a bridesmaid? I’m glad she’s agreed to be on her best behaviour

    #384265

    Jayo
    Member

    I’m so relieved too! I have asked my other friend to be a bridesmaid. She is so excited! It feels right now and I’m looking forward to enjoying the day and the lead up to it :) Thanks again for your advice!

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