- June 19, 2013 at 4:52 pm #398791
My fiance and I got engaged on Saturday night. We are delighted, as is everyone around us, but I am really struggling with some major guilt over a little faux pas we inadvertently committed.
Partner had told his parents what was happening and they knew what my answer was going to be! He told them he would call them Sunday or Monday to give them the lowdown on how it went. He did this, called them Sunday and all appeared to be fine.
However, we got caught up in our excitement and posted the news to good old facebook a few hours before he actually spoke to them, and his Mum rang him and ranted at him for a good 15 minutes, and is really upset (they’re not on facebook, this call happened a day later, but she was just annoyed that he left it so long, even though he was genuinely occupied with work on the Sunday). I’m torn between feeling terrible, but also acknowledging that my partner had told them when he would call them, and knowing that he had told them when he would specifically call them to discuss things in more detail.
Sigh, I don’t know, I suppose I just want some reassurance that I’m not a terrible, evil daughter in law and that we can recover from this. I have a pretty good relationship with my MIL, she has strong opinions and different views to me at times, but 97% of the time it is smooth sailing. I feel really silly, it’s like the ONE thing you don’t do – tell facebook before you tell both sets of parents – and we stuffed this up not even 24 hours after our engagement! Am I the only one who has done this?!June 19, 2013 at 6:20 pm #398871
We did the same thing. Ooops! FMIL saw it on facebook and called us! Luckily she is pretty level headed and accepted our apology. If she is anything like my FMIL she will soon be preoccupied with helping you plan and giving out many many many suggestions (which you acknowledge, but don’t neccessarily take on!)June 20, 2013 at 9:54 pm #399031
Hey Trilogy, as far as I can see they already knew before anything was announced on Facebook, so I don’t really see the issue. You have nothing to feel guilty for, you were super excited and weren’t thinking clearly. Who is? I remember being in complete shock and I actually called my cousin and told her before I called anyone else in the family…
Since you have a close relationship I’m sure she’ll get over it soon. maybe ask her to help you start planning the engagement party? She’ll forgive you pretty quickly and be excited to help out…June 21, 2013 at 5:40 pm #399357
Hang on … they found out before you even did! I would have felt worse about that! You did nothing wrong at all.
My ex MIL had a massive tantrum when she wasn’t the first to know about our first-born baby, who was born in the middle of the night. We were up all night with the labour and everything, my ex went home to sleep in the early hours and phoned her when he woke later in the day. That wasn’t good enough for her apparently. Some MIL’s are like that!June 22, 2013 at 2:22 pm #399365
Its okay, its happened already, you cant change it anymore so dont beat yourself down about it.July 14, 2013 at 10:28 pm #405885
I don’t see what her big problem is.
FH said he would call SUNDAY OR MONDAY to tell them the details and they knew he was going to pop the question. (Putting them ahead of everyone else, even you!)
I’m guessing you FB status was along the lines of “OMG FH just proposed! I’m so happy!!” So than anyone on FB wouldn’t have the romantic in depth details she was after either.
Also if YOU posted to FB how were you supposed to know he was supposed to call his family and give them the details?
I get that she is upset she wasn’t the first to know when FH said he would call, but she already was the first to know you were going to get engaged.
July 15, 2013 at 3:23 am #405891
I wanted to tell my mum in person when the time came for me. Unfortunately, that time didn’t come before word of mouth passed through our chosen future best man who introduced us, to his roommates girlfriend, to her mother who happened to be friends with my mother (less than a day this took, gossips!) …. They got together for a chat, friend says “So what do you think of the good news?”. Fortunately I smoothed things over, reminded her how much I loved her and assured her I HAD wanted to tell her in person, but ONLY her, not the new boyfriend she’d just started seeing as well. It just wasn’t the right moment. Surely things will be forgiven, just remind them all they are loved.August 27, 2013 at 4:44 pm #415199
Umm…..heads up about your MIL…
Firstly I’d be more upset that they knew about the engagement before you did.
Secondly, what’s next? The next life event you’re going to have to make sure that you tell your inlaws everything before anyone else. Then before you know it, you’ll start getting asked questions about which parents knew the goss first, yours or his.
Sounds like she’s got a strong opinion about the way to do things and no one else really figures into that narrow view of the world do they?
Alarm bells. Trust me.
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