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The Maid of Honour Decides to Take a Holiday, 2 weeks before the wedding…

Home Forums Bothered brides The Maid of Honour Decides to Take a Holiday, 2 weeks before the wedding…

This topic contains 9 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  HappyG 2 years, 10 months ago.

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  • #422825

    Arietta
    Member

    So, as you can imagine I’m a bit erked about the fact that My Maid of Honour decided that she would have a weekend away with her boyfirend 2 weeks before my wedding. My wedding is about 11 months away so I underdstand that she isnt really focused on the wedding but it’s kinda thrown my plans out a bit. I was hoping to have the hens night and rehersal dinner that weekend so its kinda thrown my plans out of wack. I havent vented at her because I know it was an absent minded mistake but I’m a little annoyed. And I just needed to vent a bit I guess
    (I posted this earlier in another section but realised here was more appropriate)

    #422859

    CGrace
    Member

    The rehearsal dinner is usually held the night before your wedding- right after the wedding rehearsal. The hens can be held any time it suits everyone attending but if you have out of town attendees it’s held closer to the wedding so they don’t have to travel twice. The suggestion is to hold it 3 or more days before the wedding though. So- have your rehearsal dinner the night before, and your hens the week before. Problem solved.
     
    Just FYI- it’s the bridal party that organises and throws the Hen’s though- not the bride. They also aren’t under any obligation to throw you one- it’s a gift. 

    #423331

    HappyG
    Member

    I say let her enjoy some well deserved time away, not everything is bride-centric and it often relies on other factors like when they can apply from leave for work, other family and personal obligations and from the looks of things they’ve tried to plan very far in advance.
     
    CGrace is right, a Hen’s night is supposed to be a surprise (Personally my fiancee and I don’t really want a Hen’s, we’re not really racy party people) you can plan it yourself, but traditionaly it is a treat gifted to you by your bridal party.
     

    #424289

    Arietta
    Member

    Thanks, I do understand where you are coming from but I guess I just felt hurt that she was thinking moreso about herself. And I think I may just have issues with the boyfriend to be honest. I had an expectation of the MOH and I guess that was too high an expectation. 
    Also I think I have misrepresented myself in speaking about the hens night. I am not organising it myself but  the bridesmaids have been talking to me about what I would like to do and when. we couldnt have the rehersal the night before due to the venue having other commitments. 
    I probably sound like the most selfish person ever now :(

    #427274

    HappyG
    Member

    I can totally understand how stressful it can be, and it can be hard to figure out what is reasonable to expect from your bridal party. I would recommend looking up some articles on the knot, scrapbooking them and showing them to your MOH etc. so you can discuss everything and get on the same page.
     
    Also, remember that you still have plenty of time to prepare,and by 12 months you should have the major bookings like venue, make-up and photography already booked which should reduce some of the stress.
     
    I’d avoid confronting your MOH with the issues you have about her partner until after the big day, the last thing you need is a huge rift or fight. Especially as she’s supposed to be your biggest support.
     
     
     

    #429534

    Arietta
    Member

    HappyG I’m glad you understand. I just think she is being quite inflexible, even now that I need to get bridesmaids dresses fitted and chosen she is being quite difficult with flexibility. I understand that her world does revolve around my wedding but all I expect is some flexibility which isnt happening. 
    We’re meeting Sunday to try dress so I may have a meeting with everyone and just talk about being flexible. But I will do it in a group so she doesn feel like I’m singling her out. Hopefully that works out better. 

    #429548

    HappyG
    Member

    Fingers crossed! I think doing it as a group is a good idea, maybe you could do something casual like go to a cafe or something to reduce any drama?

    #430633

    Kirraleej
    Member

    What exactly do you need her help with in those two weeks? Surely invites, and anything DIY would be done and then everything else (like the rehearsal) is closer to the wedding than that! If you need help with something in that time utilise oother bridesmaids, family or friends. It shouldn’t be much of a problem for you!

    #431092

    Arietta
    Member

    HappyG – we met and all went well. I explained my expectations and that seemed to make the message a little clearer. 
    KirraleeJ – to be honest this is an issue that goes deeper than just wedding stuff. Its a pattern of being unreliable always, but has only come to light recently because of the wedding. After talking with mum and other friends I have realised that I have another bridesmaid that I can rely on more, which I will definately do. 

    #431376

    HappyG
    Member

    I’m glad you were able to clarify things and smoothing them out. Getting friends involved in your bridal party tends to let you see the worst in them (though sometimes you unexpectedly see good people shine through that you didn’t expect), it can be tough.
     
    I know it is tough, but sometimes restricting the wedding-talk helps ease everything. Keeping it to times when things need to be done like wedding-specific/bridal-party get-togethers will reduce the stress for your bridesmaids; and keep your distance about the whole thing until the date starts getting closer to prevent blow-ups.
     

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