Struggle with the sister

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    Hey ladies,
    I am only a young bride (I’ll be 21 to be exact) and I have a younger sister who will be 16 at the time of our wedding. She has said from the get go that she wants to be a bridesmaid and I think I’m okay with that. But just recently she has come out saying that she expects to be my maid of honour. Sadly, because she will be so much younger than all of my other bridesmaids I have already considered long-time friends from school of uni to step into that role but I’m not sure as to what to say to her. Keeping in mind that she is young, I don’t want to deter her from wanting to be in my bridal party but I’m lost for words…
    Any help would be very helpful,
    Buglette xx



    Hi there Buglette,
    I’m a younger bride too (I’m 21 too) though I’m planning ahead at least one and a half to two years ahead (we have to account for lack of same-sex marriage laws). And I know how hard it is when family comes into it.
    I asked my brother to be bridesman (He’s a typical 17 year old hanging around in his PJs playing video games all day) and I have some concerns about actually being able to get him polished on the day.I overcame the issue of heirachy by asking the Maid of Honour FIRST so the position was already taken and it was made clear who was in which position. I was also very clear to say ‘I want to ask you to be my Maid of Honour’ and to mention other bridesmaids positions being filled (and vice-versa) so there was no confusion. Another good method is to wite out formal invitations so they have it in writing. I know she’s your sister, but unless you are clear and direct she could end up taking control. A Maid of Honour is more than a head bridesmaid, they have great responsibility (and according to etiquette they tend to spend as well on dresses, the bridal shower and hens night) which is a bit much for a 16 year old to handle.



    I’d sit her down and gently let her know that she isn’t going to be maid of honour.
    Ask what does she think The MOH is/does? If she thinks it is just the head bridesmaid and the one the bride is closer to then you need to tell her that there is more to it than that and you don’t think it is best for her to be it. 
    This is because the maid of honour has so many more responsibilites such as arranging the bridal shower AND the hens night.
    Both of these require a lot of time, co-ordinating between the guests and venues, inviting everyone, coming up with ideas and a themes as well as the funding (as the MOH/ Bridesmaids are supposed to fund the Hens night).
    Because of her age you don’t think she should (or can) be paying for your friends to party and it will also probably come at a time when she is doing her School Certificate/HSC and you don’t want her distracted because that is her future.
    You want her to enjoy the day and all the lead up as much as possible, not stressing about palnning, pleasing and paying for you 21 year old friends to party WHILE she has study commitments.
    She can do all the fun stuff with you like help pick out dresses, food etc. But you think the MOH role will be too much for her.
    Make it up to her, maybe get her to do a reading or something, but let her know the ONLY reason she isn’t maid of honour is because of her age and the timing. You are still really close to her and wish she could be you MOH, but because of what the role is it isn’t the best fit for her.



    When I got engaged, my 14 year old sister assumed she was going to be a bridesmaid thinking I’d buy her the sexiest/most expensive dress she could point out and that her duties were to just look “hawt”.
    I sat her down and explained that it’s my wedding and my rules. She would wear the dress, shoes and accessories I’m choosing for her. She will have her hair and makeup done how I specify. (In retaliation she’s shaved her head with 8 months to go, good thing my friends are costumers and have a plentiful supply of wigs I can steal.)
    I’ve explained to her that she’ll actually have duties on the day (wrangling the younger kids, escorting the elderly family members, minding things for me, having an emergency supply kit, handing out cake, etc).
    My other sister (the same age) asked me if she could be a bridesmaid and what a bridesmaid actually does and how she could help before the day.
    You’ll find each girl is different. You should try being nice about it first but don’t be afraid to lay down the law. She’s too young to perform half the tasks required of the MoH, but you might want to consider some of the tasks she is old enough for and get her to help your MoH (or you) with them.

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