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Save the date sent, invitees split before invites ….

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  HappyG 2 years, 10 months ago.

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  • #429335

    Tinkybell
    Member

    Hey knotties … We sent save the dates out for a destination wedding a few months back … We are just about to send out formal invitations. However one couple of 6 years have split up and another’s marriage has ended, all inbetween sending STD and invitations! I don’t know what to do! I can’t invite them as a couple any more … But by addressing the save the date cards to both parties can I really go back on the invite to the wedding?? Any suggestions would be much appreciated! Thank you :) 

    #429349

    Hi Tinkybell, did you actually write both peoples names on the STD’s? I’ve had this happen as well, my uncle and his partner were together for 8 years, and then 3 weeks after I sent the STD they split up. I’m now only inviting my uncle, because he’s family. I didn’t write names on the actual STD’s, they were just general, but I did address the envelope to the both of them. I guess you have to look at how the couple are related to you, as in actual relatives, friends, friends of family, etc, and decide whether both parties of the couple are considered close, or whether you’re only inviting them as a couple because of one of them. I like my uncles partner, she was nice to chat to, but I know I’ll never see her again and she won’t want to see us now they’ve split, so I’m not going to invite her to the wedding. But if you’re mutual friends with both parties then just shoot them a phone call and say you don’t in any way want to make things awkward, but they both mean a lot to you and you want both of them to still attend the wedding, and then send individual invitations. if they choose to come or not is then in their court, not yours, you’ve done the right thing by inviting them both and letting them know the other has been invited. also, politely ask for them not to make a scene at the wedding, and make sure they sit away from each other.

    #429352

    Tinkybell
    Member

    Hey emeraldbride thank you so much for the quick response! They were just a general STD but like you, I addressed the envelope to both as they where living together!
    One of the couples, we know through my fiancés work, he worked with the fella and I met them 3 years ago and we have been friends as couples and see each other often, but their marriage has broken down, she’s moved from the area and he’s still here and we still see him, this has all happened in about a month! But I don’t want her to think just because they have split up I don’t want to invite her! But I’m worried a scene may cause if they both come and drink at the wedding, as it is all still very raw and the wedding is in less than 7 months! 
    the other couple, the guy is one of my fiancés oldest and best friend, has been with girlfriend for almost 5 and a half years and they have just broken it off! But I’m unsure whether it will stay broken off, they still see each other regularly, even bought Xmas gifts for one another, and they seem to be every amicable! 
    Why is it so difficult? Thanks for your help though, you have helped me see more clearly!

    #429412

    HappyG
    Member

    I’m not sure if this will help you, but we’re having seperate invite lists for the ceremony and the reception. There ceremony will be general and all-inclusive; but the reception will be close friends and family only. This is to control any family, relationship or kid issues; and to reduce cost.
     
    You try to account for couples by restricting invites to long term relationships, but in the end you can’t glue people together to keep everything looking amicable until after the big day, and break-ups are a risk you have to take into account. I would contact them each individually and ask them what would work for them. If they both want to come, work around it with seating, and consider restricting the alcohol to reasonable levels to reduce too many issues. Having a signature cocktail and mocktail option instead of an open bar are great options to look into. Having waiters service tables and keep and eye on things is also adviseable, and have a ‘cool down zone’ with non-alcoholic drinks only for people who’ve maybe had one too many (something I learned doing my RSA training)
     

    #429416

    Tinkybell
    Member

    Hi happyG, thanks for the reply! We are having to invite everyone to both the ceremony and reception as we are having a destination wedding and people are going to be travelling from the uk (one of the couples in question) and from bundy up to the whitsundays! 
    We spoke about it last night and we think actually speaking to them is the right way to go! That way no one is going to be forgotten, they no we are actually still thinking if them, and giving them as a couple the decision! 
    Thank you so much for you help ladies

    #430382

    HappyG
    Member

    Maybe look into researching different hotels for each of them just in case if they decide they want to come. Some hotels will give discounts if you refer multiple people so you can split the wedding party between them (maybe even split the two wedding camps if you want to be traditional).
     
    The reason I suggest this is that a destination wedding will compound any issues they already have and they won’t know the area so they can’t really escape each other, so things will be more likely to blow up in everyone’s faces.
     

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