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problems with my bestfriend?

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Kittikats 3 years, 9 months ago.

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  • #350557

    meka
    Member

    my partner and i were together for 3 years we separated for some time but we got back together and have been for nearly 4 years, we have 3 kids together and i have another daughter who he has accepted and treats her like his own (her father passed away 2 years ago) we have been talking about getting engaged for 2 years but every time we have one of friends or family have so we thought it best to leave it a while.10months ago we started talking about it again and my best friend told me that she and her partner had been talking about it aswell. a few weeks later they announced their engagement i was soo happy for them and congratulated them etc she asked me to be her bridesmaid which i of course agreed to and my partner and i again decided to put ours off so as to not do it at the same time as them, i told her we decided not to yet because i was pregnant and had swollen fingers ( i lied ) now fast forward 8 months my baby is 3 months old and we finally decided to get the ring and announce our engagement. i know my friend very well and accept her for who she is flaws and all so i knew she might get a little jealous that we were getting engaged but i figured she pretend to be happy for now and grow used to the idea so instead of flaunting my ring and going to see her and risking it being awkward i announced it on facebook. she and her partner who i am also good friends with has completely ignored me i know she has seen it because she has posted since unfortunately she posted a picture that says if someone treats you like s**t remember there is something wrong with them not you normal people dont go around destroying other human beings. i know this was directed at me because she tells me Everything so if something had been bothering her prior to this i would know.i dont know if we should have left it longer, personally i feel they have made no actual plans for their wedding so it could be years away and i shouldn’t have to put my life on hold until they finally get married. i wouldn’t have expected her to and i would be genuinely happy for them if they announced 5 minutes after me i don’t feel the world should revolve around me for any amount of time. does she have a right to be angry about this? i don’t know what to do i don’t want to loose my best friend i want her standing beside me as my maid/matron of honour but i also feel a true friend should be happy for me regardless like i would for them. any advice how to handle this? sorry its soo long

    #350571

    jsbride
    Member

    Hi Meka,
     
    I can understand that your friend might have been hurt that you didn’t tell her in person, that she had to find out from Facebook. I get that you didn’t want to be flaunting the ring etc but she probably thought as a best friend she would have been one of the first to find out.
     
    I don’t think it matters if you get engaged not long after friends/family – usually it is not a decision that is made in a few days so if it does happen to coincide with another engagement, who cares. You can’t plan your life around what everyone else is doing.
     
    I would just arrange a time to sit down with her and get everything out in the open. If she is a true friend she will want to work everything out with you so that you can support each other through these coming stressful but enjoyable times.

    #351751

    Kittikats
    Member

    I don’t think your friend has too much of a right to be angry.
    You told her 8 months ago that you were going to get engaged but not right then as you were pregnant.She should have seen this comming, espically as you and your partner have been together for a long time.
    Part of it might be that you announced it on Facebook instead of telling her face to face (if she is your best friend then she really should have been one of the first to know via phone call etc from you).
    But she has been engaged for 8 months now which is a longtime in the limelight. Maybe she feels jealous that you are an “attention hog” with a new baby and an engagement?
    I’d try to talk to her maybe saying things like “I noticed you have been a bit distant lately. Is there anything wrong?”Or ask her how her weeding plans are going without mentioning yours.
    If she is truly a jealous person then try to not talk about your wedding (beside asking for the honor of having her as your bridesmaid) and shift the conversation back to her. When she feels you aren’t trying to out-do her or steal her thunder she should hopefully see that she is being unreasonable / unfair and come around.
     
     
     
     

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