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(Not your average) Buck's Night drama – Is it okay to not have a Buck's Night?

Home Forums Bothered brides (Not your average) Buck's Night drama – Is it okay to not have a Buck's Night?

This topic contains 6 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  EmeraldBride 3 years, 5 months ago.

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  • #398877

    Tani1504
    Member

    So the story went like this…
    We’re not engaged yet, but have been together since the end of high school. Lots of drama, growing pains that had caused a lot of grief, but we’re still together and going strong.
    The thing is, he’s been buried in work and have not socialised for a long time in my opinion – he doesn’t have many new friends and his ideas are a bit old on the whole Buck’s Night thing. The only Buck’s Night thing he thinks should be is the traditional strip club thing the night before the wedding and he believes that all his male friends are hot-blooded and won’t want to do anything else. First I tried to suggest other things, but he doesn’t think they’re cool enough.I’m really confused – sorry. In the beginning, he knew I didn’t trust him, so he said he’ll just go for a quiet drink and come back by 2am. Then months later, when we went back to the conversation, he thought we’d settled on no Buck’s Night at all.He said he’ll be drinking Early Grey tea. The more I tried to convince him to have some sort of celebration, the more he got angry and accused me of being a hypocrite. He said he couldn’t have a normal i.e. traditional party by his own standards, so why should I push it onto him and then get angry at him afterwards for ‘cheating’?He said that he’ll have other parties and other times, but wouldn’t accept fishing/casino/etc etc i.e. other ideas for a Buck’s Night.Sorry, I’m just venting, but I want to ask – Is it okay for a guy to not have a Buck’s Night? I understand it’s the Best Man’s job, and my partner told me that I couldn’t convince the crew to not do something rowdy and that even if I could, he wouldn’t want to know about it because I’d be such an uncool partner trying to meddle with their fun.
     

    #398893

    Hi Tani,
     
    I’m a little confused, so does your fiance now wants a Buck’s party or not want one? My fiance doesn’t want one. I’ve tried to suggest paintball, laser tag, quadbiking, anything, and he’s not interested. Luckily for him, I’m having a couple of men on my side of the bridal party, who obviously won’t be coming to the hen’s day. I want to have a spa day with the women, and then I suggested we all go out for dinner, women and men, as a bridal party celebration, that way he still gets the chance to celebrate.

    #398897

    Tani1504
    Member

    Hi Emerald,
    Sorry, it all came out in a ramble. The situation as I understand it is that I jumped the gun during a time when we had a lot of trust issues. A lot of things – cultural – didn’t go smoothly and there was a time when I was a b*tch because I thought he didn’t give enough or show enough. At the same time, I was also afraid of losing him. So I jumped the gun by looking far ahead and creating trouble. I asked him what he’d do on his Buck’s Night. He was taken aback – of course he had not thought that far. I think, back then, he would’ve had a non-strippers one, but he’d never thought of it or did it cross his mind that it’d happen… but in his mind, a proper Buck’s Night would be all the way with the teasing. Now he says he wouldn’t want one so that I would not get angry at him if his mates push it to the limit. I want him to celebrate it to some extent because it’s part of life, and also because I want to show that I trust him. That monster with the cultural issues wasn’t the real me. …and he wouldn’t want to have a Buck’s now, because after all this drama, he would not be have to have a normal careless party anyway and because he fears peer pressure and the threat of it pushing things to the edge making him uncomfortable. I asked him whether it was his own decision and he said it was, but I can’t help wondering whether he would’ve gone the traditional way had I not jumped on it… and I don’t know why I should even have worried about it, because I bet he knows his limits. It’s just been a tug and pull sort of drama.

    #398929

    jsbride
    Member

    I would let it go personally, wait until the time comes, all you are both doing is worrying and stressing over something that hasn’t even happened yet.

    #398959

    Tani1504
    Member

    Yeah, and I guess we have. Things usually change for the better. What we’re sensitive to at one point might not be of matter later. Thanks, I just wanted to get it out there. =)

    #399027

    Missy88
    Member

    honestly if he doesn’t want one it doesnt matter, my fiance doesnt want one however his best man has organised for him and the other groomsmen to go to the casino for a few hrs, a bucks night doesnt have to be any more than a celebration of him getting married, it can be a few drinks at home, casino, whatever :)

    #399029

    Hey Tani, I would maybe suggest him going quad-biking or doing a laser tag night or something fun as his buck’s night. Doesn’t have to be strippers, and that way he’s nowhere near them. My fiance went to a birthday party last month where they were in a laser tag lock up. Literally they were in the building the whole night, had drinks and pizza, played laser tag, played other pinball machine games and whatever arcade games they provided. He could do something like that…

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