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Not the usual Bride-to-be

Home Forums Engagement Not the usual Bride-to-be

This topic contains 3 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Kittikats 3 years, 1 month ago.

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  • #358159

    Hi everyone,
    I’m new to this site and newly engaged however as my topic name suggests I am not the usual bride to be, I have not dreamt of my wedding day since I was a little girl and quite honestly I couldn’t think of anything worse than an entire day centred around me and my FH.
    Neither of us are big “look at me” types and are instead more comfortable in the background BUT I come from a very traditional family where I am to have a church ceremony and reception. I guess my question is, is there anyone else out there that is more of an introverted person and what kind of wedding did you have or will you be having?
    Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.

    #358261

    Hey NTU, I’m opposite in that I’ve always dreamt of my wedding, even more so after meeting my boyfriend and spend hours looking at wedding things. However, we’re also not big ‘look at me’ types and really don’t want to be walking out in front of 100 people. My family will be expecting us to have the big ceremony and reception but we much prefer something small and intimate. We’ve decided to have a New Zealand wedding, as neither of us have been there but we both would love to go. We’re cutting the guest list from 100 to 20, just the immediate family and bridal party who we want to share our special day with. We’re also having a winter wedding because we both love the snow and aren’t really tropical people. I would say find something you both love and is special to you, maybe somewhere you’ve always wanted to go. Also figure out whether you would want to share your day with those special to you and whether you prefer to elope.

    #418985

    HappyG
    Member

    I 100% understand, when I was little I was adamant that I would never get married and that I could be happy being an independent woman. However, I’m same-sex attracted and my fiancée is female, and currently we cannot officially wed until there is a change in legislation.
     
    Being discriminated against both legally and personally has forced me to identify a lot more with getting married and being equal in society… However the idea of being the centre of attention is really not a focus for me, we’re centering the wedding around making this a celebration of our love with good food and good people. I would say that we’re having a more traditional wedding with white dresses and formal attire, but with touches of  ‘us’.
     
    But nowadays many couples opt for simple ceremonies without all the pomp and ceremony, simple outfits (white suits or simple dresses), in a local park, restaurant, town Hall or even the registry office. Some will keep it down to very close family and friends. (We’re keeping it under 50, which would be mostly my fiancée’s family as mine is small).
     
    In the end, this is not your family’s day, you can respect your cultural background with little touches, while still being true to yourself.
     
     

    #424073

    Kittikats
    Member

    Hey NTU,
     
    Congratulations!
     
    I think everyone agrees that the best weddings are the ones where they aren’t a “standard” wedding, follow a set timeline and doing things because of tradition/expectations, and instead letting the day be about you as a couple.
     
    For my wedding , it will be 30 people, including dance instructor and partner, to meet the minimum venue requirements, held at a lovely location with the food we want. For the “cocktail hour” aka the time your guests sit around while you get photos done, there will be board games on the tables as centrepieces/bonboniere.
     
    After we do our first dance (correographed/ a routine as I attend dance classes) everyone will be invited out onto the floor as the dance instructor is going to teach everyone how to dance some basic moves.
     
    That wedding is completely my fiance and I. And I don’t care if other people don’t enjoy it (even though I’m trying hard to make it fun) because I’m not going to host a very expensive party to be something I’d hate.
     
     
    My advice to you is:
    If you are paying: Make it your own day. Explain to your family that the full big day with the 10,00000 guests isn’t one you can afford or your style. If you are going to satisfy their requests then have a quick and quiet church ceremony followed by an intimate reception.
     
    If they are paying (even a little): Then they get some say in the day. If you really can’t minimize their wants / have to follow tradition stick to the traditional elements but personalise them as much as possible and make everything small.
     
     
    Handy hints:
    *Do a simple dance and have the bridal party join you after 90 seconds so you aren’t alone out there too long or skip it and have everyone get on the dancefloor all together.
     
    * Do only invite people that matter to you. Say your venue holds 80. after imediate family and bridal party calculated in there is 60 spaces left over. Maybe divide it up so 30/40 of those spaces are you and your fiance and the remainder are divided and given to the repective parents.
     
    * Choose a smaller church/reception place – no space = no unneccisary invited people (mums entire bridge club, dads entire golf club) = less people looking at you. Also =  smaller aisle = less walking and time people stare at you.
     
    * Don’t worry too much about people looking at your ceremony. you’ll be too wrapped up in your groom to really notice.
     
    * Sleek or smaller dress. Convenience, cost less and less eye catching

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