Mother says she wont come to the wedding

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  haybay86 3 years ago.

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    Months ago, before we even got engaged, I’d talked to my mum about how we were thinking about getting married in the UK. We’re both from there originally – but we’ve lived in Aus for other 15 yeas each, and this is our home. My parents moved back to the UK 2 years ago from South Australia. 
    When my mum found out we’d decided we’d get married in Aus because this is where all of our friends are, and this is where our ‘family’ (in our eyes) lives, she said she wouldn’t come. She said she wouldn’t come because I told her we’d get married in the UK. I asked my dad if he would come so he could give me away, and he said he couldn’t come if mum didn’t come. 
    Now, we talked on the phone at length, and eventually she said she would come – but I can’t help feeling like she doesn’t actually want to be there. 
    In addition to this, I know if I invite my brother, she’ll go mental. They don’t get along, and I don’t think she ever wants to see him again, but I can’t not invite him. He’s my brother. I’d like him to be there. So I’m not sure if she’ll again turn around and say she wont come when I tell her I’m going to invite him.


    Mrs. Bum

    This is a really tricky one :(
    I think first and foremost, you have to remember that this is yours and your fiance’s day, you should have it the way you want it – In Australia.
    I would talk to your Mum again about inviting your brother and see how she takes it. At worst case scenario and she flips out at you inviting you brother, and Dad cannot make it, perhaps your brother can step in and give you away.
    Let your mum know how important it would be to you for her to put her issues away for one day and see you get married, emphasise to her that this is your wedding – you should be sharing in this moment together.
    Best of Luck xx



    It’s a shame that your father isn’t going to support you by coming anyway, he should make that decision independently of your mother’s feelings. To me it seems unfair that you’ve lived in Aus for 15 years and they’ve only been back in the UK for 2 years.
    If your mother is reluctant to come it may just be something that is worth distancing yourself from, it will stress you and make planning upsetting and painful. All you can do is tell her the meaning it has for you to have them there and have your wedding where you’d like to, and that she can’t hold your wedding to randsome because you have grown into a new life with new friends.
    As for your brother, your wedding day isn’t about catering to feuds, invite whoever you wish and they can deal. If either your mother or brother don’t wish to attend, that’s another $150pp catering and less bonboniere, place settings etc. to purchase. All you can do is invite those who you’d like to have there and cater to their seating needs by trying to be aware of their personal situations and put them at different table with different people.



    Your wedding day is about getting married to the man you love and it is a great privilege for those who are invited to witness and celebrate this wonderful occasion.
    You need to have the wedding where and how you want it.  There will always be someone who doesn’t like something and you can’t please everyone and you shouldn’t have to. 
    If you want your brother at your wedding, you should invite him.  Your mother needs to understand that it’s not about her at all and she’ll have to deal with it.
    If your mother truly cares and wants to be there for you, she will be.

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