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Mother of the Bride Drama – Advice needed

Home Forums The Knot Help Mother of the Bride Drama – Advice needed

This topic contains 4 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  HappyG 2 years, 11 months ago.

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  • #423887

    Melski84
    Member

    Hello fellow brides
    I need or help / advice – I ordered my dress back in August and my mother and bridesmaids were all there so they all know what my dress looks like. Last week my mum told me what she would be wearing to the wedding and said she is getting a dress made to replicate what June Carter wore on her wedding day. I looked up the dress and my initial thoughts was that I thought it was inappropriate to wear a lace dress when that is what my dress is, and I told her I didn’t want her to wear it (but she could wear it to the Hen’s party or something like that). She has now told me that I can’t tell her what to do and is not coming to the wedding now. I responded to her saying that this is my day and she should respect my wishes and not make such an issue.
    Here is a link is what my dress looks like: http://www.hillsinhollywood.com/showproduct.php?id=919
    Here is a link to what June Carters dress looks like: http://clickamericana.com/topics/love-marriage/johnny-cash-june-carter-get-married-1968
    Can I please get people’s thoughts about this and as to whether they look similar and it is inappropriate for the MOB to wear a lace dress knowing that the bride’s dress is lace or am I just being too OTT.
    Thanks

    #424059

    CGrace
    Member

    Hi Melski, 
    Sorry you’re having to deal with this! I can totally see where you would get upset about it. Is there anything else going on? Saying she isn’t coming at all is a bit dramatic (and controlling)! Quick question- is she planning on it being blue? Or white? If it’s blue lace perhaps she thinks she is matching into what you are wearing? Regardless- that it’s modelled after a wedding gown at all is very strange. Did she perhaps not get the wedding she wanted when she got married and now wants to wear a wedding gown or something?
    White is a definate no-no for a MOB. The only person that should be wearing white is the bride, unless you specifcally ask people to do so. That being said, as lame as it is etiquette tells us we can’t dictate what adults wear unless they are the bridal party. If she does turn up in anything resembling a bridal gown she will look a fool, but that will reflect badly on her- not you. What you can do though is this:
    – Tell her you are sorry the last conversation you had regarding this upset her, and explain you’d like to understand where she is coming from. Maybe she just wants something to make her feel special. If so, offer to go shopping with her and find her a dress you both love. One that is special, without being bridal. 
    – If it is an attention or stubborn thing and she won’t let it go you have three options:
    1. Let her wear the dress.
    2. Call her bluff- but this is more risky: Mum, I’m sorry this dress is more important to you than the wedding, you will be missed. 
    3. Talk to a trusted Aunt/ your Grandma/ Dad perhaps etc. and try to get them to talk her around. 
    I hope this smooths out for you, let us know how it goes. 

    #424061

    CGrace
    Member

    Ps. Your dress is stunning! :) 

    #424067

    Kunoichi
    Member

    What colour has she chosen for her dress? If it is white, then no way should she wear it!
    If it is blue, as in the photos, then it isn’t so bad. I think your dress is stunning, but the other one is, well, nice for an older lady. I can’t see people comparing the two dresses, as other than being lacy, they have nothing in common.
    It is an annoying situation, especially with her throwing a tantrum, but I guess you need to treat her like a child until she calms down. Maybe patiently explain in a calm manner why you feel upset, but at the end let her know that (as long as it is blue, or anything but white), you are okay with her wearing it because you love her, and she obviously loves the dress. It makes you the bigger person, even if you still feel that the dress is inappropriate. Hopefully she will calm down, and see it from your point of view, and maybe get some changes made to the dress to make it less lacy.
    Alternatively, you could do the reverse psychology thing, but that has much more potential for backfiring.
    Good luck!

    #428796

    HappyG
    Member

    It sounds like you’re both being a little petty, I had a look at both dresses (yours is gorgeous by the way) and from what I can see it looks like she’s simply trying to look like you’re a unit and choosing elements that will compliment those on your dress.
     
    I have to agree with Kunoichi, the June Carter dress is in no way a traditional wedding dress, and really looks similar to a lot of other MOB dresses I’ve seen, I think it would flatter an older woman and make you both look like a cute, coordinated pair. SHe’s probably reacting so badly and being so stubborn because deep down she has positive motives (or at least from her own perspective) and she feels that you’re jumping down her throat and accusing her of trying to ruin your wedding. She probably has a dream of wearing this dress on your special day, and has probably been planning it for quite some time.
     
    Nowadays brides are a lot more flexible about not being the only ones in white, MOB, bridesmais etc. are now wearing light pastel shades, ivory or light greys and blush to accentuate the brides dress in a more subtle way and to make them look like a complete unit. There’s nothing essentially wrong with her wearing a light colour, but if it really something that bothers you, be honest with her.
     

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