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Marriage really that important?

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  JessicaFay 1 year, 8 months ago.

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  • #479244

    Kat
    Member

    My bf doesn’t really believe in marriage. (I think partially because of how his parents ended up) I no he would marry me if it was what I wanted and I want to spend the rest of my life with him and I no being married is just a piece of paper and a party. Being together and there for each other and in each other lives is what is important. But it does bother me that he may never ask me and it’s important to me. I don’t really no how to approach this though?

    #479262

    JessicaFay
    Member

    I’m assuming his parents are divorced/separated? When my parents separated, for years I believed that there was no point in getting married – I felt that, if you loved the person, the piece of paper just made things messier. I have since changed my mind – and it’s all thanks to my partner. Perhaps your boyfriend is finding himself in this sort of headspace at the moment.

    My advice for bringing it up is to wait until the next mention of anything wedding related – if a friend announces their engagement, if there’s a wedding on TV, anything. Ask him how he feels about getting married and ask whether this is where he thinks you guys are headed. It won’t seem like a strange segue and, hopefully, he’ll be honest with you!

    #479378

    Kat
    Member

    What made you change your mind? That is his thinking but he’s very stubborn in that regard and that he shouldn’t have to do anything for anyone or change anything for someone else. Which is fine except when your in a relationship, it’s give and take and I just give and give and I don’t think he completely has the concept yet. Problem is he thinks he already does SO much like letting me watch a movie I want to watch. When I’m going in with him building a house I don’t even want to get into.

    #479428

    JessicaFay
    Member

    Hmm, it sounds like there are issues besides his parents separation coming into play here.

    I’m actually not 100% sure what changed my mind, I just know that I went from never wanting to get married to thinking it wouldn’t be so bad to being so excited for it to finally happen. I think a lot of it came down to my partner showing me that he’s in this relationship for real and that he’s not going anywhere. We’ve also had discussions about what would happen if we were ever to break up (as we have accumulated a few joint assets since buying a house together), so it made me feel a little better knowing that there’s some sort of contingency plan in place. Of course, break ups aren’t always amicable but I believe that we are both mature enough to make decisions together.

    I think you need to make your boyfriend see that a relationship is a partnership – you need to compromise and yes, there is give and take involved. If he cannot see this, then I really think he’s not ready for marriage anyway. This is especially true if he thinks that letting you watch a movie of your choice is big of him. It kind of sounds like everything is about him and you just have to work around that…not really fair in my opinion.

    As for the house thing, if you don’t mind my asking, why are you even a part of it if you don’t want to be?

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