Maid of Honour in a mess!

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  HappyG 3 years ago.

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    Abbie G

    My older brother is getting married next year. His fiancee asked her sister to be maid of honour and me to be a bridesmaid. Her sister said no (she has a phobia of getting photos taken) and my future sister-in-law instead asked me to step up and be maid of honour, which I was very honoured and touched by. I’ve never been a bridesmaid before, so I came across The Knot and found a treasure trove of information!
    But now I have a slight issue. My future sister-in-law doesn’t have a big family, so she’s asked four of my and my brother’s cousins to be her bridesmaids. My cousins are extremely excited by this and I’m happy that they’ll be here. However, their enthusiasm is blinding them to what the bride needs! The bride is a very calm, relaxed person, and she just wants the wedding to be fun, and family-oriented.My cousins are lovely girls, but they are so excited that they’ve forgotten a few things. As soon as they were asked, they crowded around the bride and wanted to know when all five bridesmaids would go wedding gown shopping with the bride, even though I diplomatically suggested that maybe my future sister in law would prefer to just take her mother along, which is the impression I got from her. She’s also told me that she’d much rather have a quiet kitchen tea with no presents instead of a massive bridal shower. How can I be diplomatic in this situation and make sure that my brother’s fiancee has the wedding she wants while balancing my maid of honour duties with my cousins?? HELP!



    I think it is lovely that your future sister in law wants to include your family! Although, your cousins’ behaviour would be a little overwhelming! Here are my suggestions:
    * As Maid of Honour, you are in a position of essentially liaising between the bridesmaids and the bride. If she wants a low key kitchen tea, then that is what you organise. Inform the bridesmaids that this is the plan and ask for suggestions. If they start suggesting a massive bridal shower, make sure you put the brakes on it straight away and say that a low key event is what has been requested and that you will welcome any other ideas the girls have.
    * As for dress shopping, I’m sure that they were just excited about being asked to be a part of the bridal party. Your sister in law is entitled to ask whomever she would like to accompany her dress shopping – if this is only her mother, this is all she will ask. My advice here is to not say anything else to your cousins – you have already mentioned that the bride would prefer to just take her mother (very nice of you) so just leave it at that. Let your sister in law deal with these requests but you can make sure that she knows she can say no.


    Abbie G

    Thanks a lot, you’ve really helped! :)



    A Maid of Honour, you’re kind of the group leader, you finalise the decisions such as the bachelorette party, bridal shower and such, and ensure that all the bridesmaids are on the same page and up to date. In a way you help to take a lot of the stress and pressure off the bride, you’re her right-hand gal and the person she trusts most during this time.
    It sounds to me like they’re just initially excited, they’ll be jumping up and down, squealing, and saying they want to go big and do everything now, but a few months down the track they will probably lose some of the enthusiasm when they realise the reality of bridesmaid responsibility. You’ll probably find you have to get them back on track and get them excited again.
    Don’t stress just yet, as long as you and the bride are on the same page, it will make keeping th other bridesmaids on track a lot easier.

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