- February 26, 2014 at 8:46 pm #433686
I need advice on a guest issue I have.
We have sent our wedding invites a few weeks ago to everyone, including one of my friend from Uni and her husband.
She RSVP-ed not long after for the both of them, so I was really happy they could make it.
Soon after though I received another email, telling me I got their names right but she now wouldn’t attend with her husband, but her new – non official – boyfriend J (she didn’t give me his actual name).
I knew her relationship wasn’t the best but I wasn’t aware of a separation and definitely not of a new boyfriend. She also wasn’t straight from the start and only mentionned him after RSVP-ing.
He was not invited – her husband was – and we have never meet him and the FH and I had a rule when putting our guest list together that we would only invite +1 that at least one of us we knew.
I am very confused abut the whole thing and feel used as she hid the fact until the last minute and then switched her +1.
If I had known they were separated – we have been emailing in the last few months before sending the invites – I would have only invited her so as to invite some other friends which we had to cut.
Am i overreacting and should just accept the new unknown plus one ? should I let know how I feel and tell her that her husband is invited but not the new boyfriend ?
February 27, 2014 at 4:34 pm #433784
It is very presumptuous of your friend to think that she can bring her boyfriend – especially as a still married woman!
Because you invited the husband by name, you are in a position where you can politely explain to your friend that you will be unable to accommodate her boyfriend. Tell her that, as she is still technically married and that neither your fiance nor yourself know her ‘boyfriend’, you would feel uncomfortable to have him there. You could also tell a little white lie and say that only couples who are engaged/married or live together (if they don’t) are able to bring a plus 1 due to space restraints.March 16, 2014 at 3:15 pm #435210
Wow, I was a bit shocked hen I read this; I’m pretty open-minded about things but even I wouldn’t be ok with that. If you specifically invited by name (and not +1) you have every right to say that it isn’t ok to bring someone that you don’t know in place of her husband. As my Fiancee said: “She’s so inconsiderate!”
Even if it was +1, it is obvious who the invite was intended for and you can tell her that she is invited however you have a selection criteria for guests and you don’t want people there that you don’t know to share in such a special and personal moment.
For one thing, you don’t know who this guy is, what he’s like, if he’s nice, if he’s partial to a few too many drinks etc. Let’s look at worst case scenario for a second: Say he’s a big party animal, gets drunk and takes his top off, gets loud and hits on the BMs and they have a huge fight in front of everyone; but you have a quiet and conservative family and friends so it is really awkward. You can’t even have a bridal party member watch him because you don’t know what to look for or predict.
My advice: Talk to her about it, and make your position clear.
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