Help… Please.

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  CGrace 3 years, 5 months ago.

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    Hi ladies. I’m sorry for the rant but I need advice from people outside my little bubble.
    I have found the perfect wedding dress… It’s everything I wanted, the price is do-able and I feel amazing in it. My fiancé and I are very untraditional and so I asked him to come along to the appointment as his opinion is very important to me and I want him to love the dress I decide to wear. Lucky for me, he thinks it’s the one as well! Yay! So the bit I need help with is my family, my mum in general. She’s very outspoken and blunt and not afraid to make her feelings known. I desperately want her to come see the dress when I go back to order it, but she’s already seen it online and didn’t like it. I’ll be crushed if she hates it in person. She’s been very vocal about her disapproval of our choice of engagement ring, my refusal to wear white and my fiance’s/my decision to not have a wedding-y wedding day. I don’t want to hurt her feelings by not involving her but I don’t want to get hurt by her not approving of what I want. 
    I should probably add that this is an ongoing thing with my parents and I – my tattoos, piercings, choice of clothing, cars, friends is always something to cause arguments over and now this wedding seems to be another topic of disagreement :( I’m a little lost as to what to do next… 


    Hi BTB13, Sounds like a hard decision… My immediate reaction is find some way to say that you’ve chosen the dress (use ‘chosen’ instead of ‘choosing’ as then she’ll think she can have input) and you would love her to come see it when you pick it up. Obviously, as you say, she’s not going to like it so you’ll probably have to do what you’ve done for many years and explain that you love it, your fiance loves it, it’s your day and that’s the dress you’re getting. However, maybe this is the perfect opportunity to find a part of the wedding that you both agree on and put her in charge of that part, and spend all the planning of that part with her so she feels involved, appreciated, and that her opinion is valued. Obviously you’ll still have difficulty with the rest of the wedding planning, since she seems very put out by you not have a traditional wedding, but hopefully having this little part that she’s involved in will lessen the blow…. that’s a big hope… good luck!



    In the end it is your day, it should reflect your style and you should feel comfortable. It sounds like she has it out for you a little bit, and you may need to respectfully decline her input if she continues to put you down.  Try to keep her busy, give her a few tasks to do here and there to distract her from critiscising and do the wedding your way.



    I really have nothing to add- these ladies have given you some great advice already. Just wondering though- have you told your Mum how you feel when she disapproves of things consistently? You don’t have to always agree on things, but surely there are aspects she does like and can encourage you on. This is really important to you, and as your Mum she should be able to put her own preconceptions aside for certain things at least.
    Perhaps explaining how important her support is, and how much it means to you, and can hurt when you often don’t seem to have it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. 

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