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Guest misgivings

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  Danielle Farnsworth 1 year, 11 months ago.

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  • #449221

    katz22
    Member

    I found out recently that one of my fiance’s groomsmen is dating a girl I don’t particularly like. I’m not exactly sure I want her at our wedding, but being that she’s his partner, I don’t want to be a snotty tart & say she can’t come.
    To put it briefly, she’s just about always been a snobby b!&ch to me. She has always talked down her nose to me & acted like she knows everything, & basically made me feel like an overgrown stupid kid. (She is also about 2-3 years younger than me). This girl, in my opinion, also has a thing of outdressing people – choosing the slinkiest, most revealing & expensive dresses she can, just to be the centre of attention. She loved chatting up guys & the guys always thought she was perfectly charming because of it, & made a habit of interupting my conversations with guys she knew to effectively block me out.
    I have misgivings about her being there, but in saying that I have not spoken to her in about 2 years. Perhaps she has grown up some & changed? My fiance thinks I’m probably being a bit silly about it all, but I’ve never told him what she was like to me.
     
    Invite anyway or spill all & ditch?

    #449307

    JessicaFay
    Member

    <p>How long has the groomsman been dating this girl and do you have a rule regarding who gets a plus one and who doesn’t?</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>I know that many people are of the belief that their bridal party should be extended a plus one no matter what, but I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with following the same rules for these guests that you have set for others. My partner and myself, for example, are only giving plus ones to guests who are married, engaged, living together or have been dating longer than one year (as this is probably long enough to be considered a serious and committed relationship). This means that a handful of our friends and cousins who have been dating someone for only a few months will be invited alone. One of my partner’s groomsmen is in this category. We just told him that we cannot invite everyone we would like to so we had to draw the line somewhere and, unfortunately, we won’t be able to have the girl he’s been dating 2 months (and neither of us have met) at our wedding. He was pretty understanding and didn’t really seem to expect an invite for her anyway.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>If you cannot forego an invitation by using this sort of “rule” as an excuse, then I think you’re going to have to bite the bullet and invite her. You might really offend the groomsman if he finds out he was the only one whose girlfriend was excluded, and he might even pull out. You will be so busy all day that you will hardly notice her there. And, speaking from the experience of seeing a girl in an incredibly revealing dress at a wedding, if she tries to pull that sort of stunt she will actually come off looking bad.</p>

    #450092

    HappyG
    Member

    <p>The bottom line is that you don’t have to invite anyone you don’t want to, and if you feel she may detract from the big day by dressing/behaving inappropriately then you have a few options: you can chance it and hope it all turns out in the end, don’t send a n invite,  or pull her or her partner aside and discuss your concerns.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>There are no real guarantees that any of these options will work as it will depend a lot on you both as individuals (and it sounds like there’s a lot of animosity between you guys); but agood fallback plan is relying on etiquette, generally you wouldn’t invite a partner unless they’ve been together at least 12 months, married, engaged or living together (the only issue is that to be fair this needs to apply to everyone, not just one person that you don’t like).</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>If you do invite her, I would suggest assigning someone (from your bridal party, or security) to keep an eye on her and keep things from getting out of hand e.g. telling her to leave if she’s dressed inappropriately, ensuring she doesn’t become drunk and belligerent etc.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p> </p>

    #453702

    katz22
    Member

    <p>Sorry for the lateness of reply.</p>
    <p>Thank you for your input. The guy & his girl are living together, although I don’t know how long for. I think maybe only about 6 months, if that? Anyway I decided to bite the bullet & just put “& Partner” on his invite…. The rammifications of if I didn’t invite her I think would have just been out of proportion (everyone else has had their partners invited from the bridal party). I told my fiance what showoff I think she is & he’s said not to worry, he’ll make sure someone keeps an eye on her!</p>

    #470112

    Hi katz22. My fiancĂ© and I both live in Australia however I’m from Canada and he’s from the UK. So for our wedding, people are going to,have to travel no matter what. I have found my perfect place in South Carolina and am still waiting for my fiancĂ© to talk to his family about the distance because it is much closer for my friends and family than his, but I think the bottom line is, it’s your wedding, and if you’re willing to have a smaller wedding, then it should just matter that it’s good for you and your husband to be. At least that’s what I think! Some people have it easy and just do it in their hometown, but if that’s bit the case, then maybe just ask them to come and not give you a gift – the gift can be the fact that they can celebrate with you. That’s my plan….best of luck!!!

    #475184

    I wouldnt worry. If she decides to make a spectacle of herself she will look utterly ridiculous. You will be the center of attention. Fullstop. Exclamation point! If she dresses in a revealing way she will look tacky not attractive and frankly will be an embarrassment if not to herself to the people who know her. I wouldn’t worry on your day everyone will be looking out for you. Try to breath easy. Inviting her was the right thing to do you should feel good about that and move on. Don’t worry about ifs and maybes.

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