- June 25, 2014 at 9:39 pm #443664
We are trying to finalise a guest list, but I am having some delima’s over a few particular people and whether they should be invited or not.
Over the last few years I have grown apart from a lot of my close friends, so whilst I still talk to them every few weeks I am not sure if inviting them to my wedding is appropriate. Recently one of them had a baby shower which I wasn’t invited to. I know it seems petty, but if i wasn’t thought of for an invitation to a baby shower, then maybe she doesn’t value our friendship anymore. At the same time though, I would hate for her to resent me for not inviting her and her partner.
I was also a bridesmaid for a friend 4 years ago, but again we have grown apart and her and her husband have never even met my fiance. I somehow feel obliged to invite them, but at the same time, as we are no longer close and we have a budget to stick to, I don’t know if I should.
Some advise would be great!June 26, 2014 at 11:30 am #443767
In my opinion, taking an lack of invite to a party personally is a bit petty; mostly because as a bride you should know that you just can’t always think of everyone and everything, and occasionally people get accidentally left out, or you have personal reasons for not inviting people that aren’t meant to be misinterpreted as a slight against someone (such as budget, seating restrictions, catering restrictions or just feeling overwhekmed by a large group). She could have any number of reasons that an invite didn’t reach you, but automatically assuming she didn’t want you there is a bit harsh.
In the end you don’t have to invite people because you attended a wedding a few years ago. Although some people do get obsessed about it, most won’t really think twice and it isn’t usually as much of an issue as you’d expect. Your guest list should be full of the people you are nearest and dearest to, and with whom you want to share this special moment with more than anyone else; so it’s ok to trim the fat and remove acquaintances that you rarely speak to.
Personally, I think you should go with your gut, if you feel like this would be something you want them to be involved with (regardless of who got invited to a baby shower or not) then send them an invite. They may not even decide to attend, so the risk is very low.
June 26, 2014 at 4:22 pm #443820
I feel your pain – there are people that both my partner and I used to be quite close with but don’t see very often now, so we have been wondering whether they need an invite or not. I think Happy G was on the money – you need to go with your gut. If you feel it is appropriate, you want them to share in your big day and you have the space/budget to invite them, do so! The fact you are wondering whether it is appropriate or not, however, says to me that these friends maybe shouldn’t be invited.
Also, you don’t have to invite people just because they invited you to their wedding. Both my partner and I attended a friend’s wedding 3 years ago but she has since dropped off the face of the earth (the last time I saw her was over a year ago, and that was only in passing) so the couple won’t be receiving an invite. Obviously, things have changed in 4 years – if this couple haven’t even met your fiance, then I think it’s safe to say that you are no longer close. Don’t be worried about hurting feelings – the fact that this couple are married means that they know how stressful putting a guest list together can be.
I wanted to finish by saying that there are plenty of reasons you weren’t invited to the baby shower – these events are not usually organised by the mum-to-be, so the person who actually did the organising may have forgotten about you or not known how to contact you or a multitude of other reasons. I don’t think you should automatically jump to the conclusion that she doesn’t value your friendship. And even if she doesn’t consider you as close as you once were, you need to ask yourself whether you value the friendship enough to send her an invite.
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