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Getting a little antsy…

Home Forums Not engaged…yet Getting a little antsy…

This topic contains 2 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Goga 2 years, 5 months ago.

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  • #445182

    Goga
    Member

    Hi guys.
    So my partner and I have been together for 5 years and since the beginning we knew we would get married. He is the type of person who won’t plan or seriously think about something until he’s ready, whereas I am the type who plans things so I can work out what needs to be done etc.
    So as I have been on holidays I had alot of time to do nothing so I got preoccupied with engagement and wedding planning (pinterest is the devil haha) and I like talking to him about it, but I think I’m stressing him out although he won’t tell me, I can tell. I don’t want to annoy him I just can’t help thinking about it or talking about it and I want to talk to him about it, I just feel like it’s long overdue and this is the perfect time to do it…
    Please Help!!
    Thanks :)

    #445207

    BecT86
    Member

    Hi Goga, I had to wait close to 9 (!) years for a proposal (we were teens though when we got together), I know it’s hard to simply wait for something you know you both want. I think guys tend to have a plan for that sort of thing. He might already know the when and how of the proposal and it is possible that keeping going on about something that hasn’t happened yet is putting him off. There are numerous threads on here where girls found that once they stopped talking about getting engaged their partner finally did it.
    he might have many reasons to not get engaged yet, are you financially secure? Have you brought a house, does he want that before getting engaged? Is he like my fiancé and doesn’t want to get married until his also ready to start a family? Your perfect time might not be his perfect time. 
    The other thing is a much as I wanted to start planning my wedding before getting engaged, I’m so happy I didn’t. I have loved being engaged and sharing the planning process with my fiancé, family and friends. It’s a lovely time and the time between getting engaged and married is usually more than enough time to plan.
    i would suggest that instead of working on a 1 year, eg. Getting engaged and married, talk to your fiancé about a 5 year plan. Do we want kids in 5 years or a house or to get married. That way the stress is not on getting engaged but it’s rather what you both want for the future. He might surprise you with what he wants to achieve before getting married. Some guys see getting married as the ultimate step and want to make sure that they are in a position to support and look after you and if for whatever reason (work, studying, renting etc..) he might feel his not just there yet even though he wants to be married. Hope this all makes sense!:-)

    #445354

    Goga
    Member

    Thanks BecT86 it does make sense what you are saying. We’ve both talked about getting married and are both ready, I’m 25 and he’s 32 and he has a very stable job. He cringes (like I do) at how much they cost, although I’m trying to find ways so its not sooooo expensive, it’s not easy though :( I’m not really planning per say, just doing some research so we can prepare ourselves financially. We do want to buy a house but that’s not dependant on when we get engaged, like he doesn’t have to buy a house before being married if that makes sense…
    I think the cost of it all puts him off having a wedding cos we are going to pay for it oursleves, but I think even though he said it didn’t bother him when I would talk to him/or show him some stuff on pinterest etc he seemed interested, I think it was overwhelming for him, so I read through the other posts and haven’t been talking about it at all (which is so hard cos I like sharing things with him). I’ll keep it going and be patient :)

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