- February 20, 2014 at 12:13 am #433121
I’m having isssues with my bridal party (i know i’m not the only one!) and need advice!
I have two sisters and two brothers, my two sisters (whom I’m very close to) are obviously included in my bridal party along with my three best friends. My fiance has one brother and one sister.
My fiance is yet to finalise selecting his groomsmen, however he will be including his brother. My Future Sister In Law has expressed to my fiance that she expects to be included in my bridal party.
I am not comfortable with this at all, as my bridal party is big enough and given that we are not close I had never considered including her. There is no hatred or anything of the sort between us, we are just simply not close. I have known her for many years and we are just different people. Never have we gone for coffee/lunch together or chatted on the phone.
I am really distressed by the situation as it is now starting to cause me to resent her. I am shocked that she would outwardly expect a position in my bridal party given that we are not close and considering I have two sisters and three best friends. My fiance doesn’t understand what the fuss is for me to just include her and thinks I’m overreacting.
I don’t expect my fiance to include my brothers as part of his side of the bridal party and nor would they expect to be included (and my brothers and my fiance are closer than what his sister and I are!)
I have already told my fiance how I feel about this situation but he keeps asking me to ‘think about it’. He mentioned that he will include my brothers in the bridal party if i include his sister. I personally don’t want my brothers to be included on his side of the bridal party as I’d prefer my brothers are with me the morning of the wedding for photos etc (and would prefer his sister be with him the morning of the wedding and not with me).
I also don’t like the idea of mixed sex bridal parties.
I really don’t like being pressured into doing something I’m not 100% happy with, and feel that if I am forced to include her I will be unhappy in the lead up to the wedding and on my big day.
February 20, 2014 at 2:32 am #433125
Why not have your husband include her as a “Groomsgal”? Wedding “rules” aren’t set in stone (we’ll be having mixed genders on both sides at our wedding) and it sounds like she wants to be involved even though you and her aren’t close (though I’m sure he would know her very well being her brother) so why not mix things up a little? You said he hasn’t finalised his party yet, so why not suggest it?February 27, 2014 at 4:39 pm #433786
If your fiance didn’t really care either way, I would’ve said just forget about her but the fact that he keeps asking you to think about it suggests that he perhaps would like her included. If your fiance would really like her included (and you have already pointed out that you don’t like the idea of mixed sex attendants), I think you really do need to consider adding her. She is his sister and, whether you like it or not, she is going to be your ‘sister’ too for the rest of your life. In some families, it is even seen as a snub to not include the siblings – perhaps this is the way for his family?March 4, 2014 at 12:20 am #433973
Alternatively, you could just be honest with her about the whole situation. It could go either way depending on how you handle it and what sort of person she is. It could give her a lot of perspective, or it could make her resent you.
Unless you’re willing to be creative, and ready to look at some of the alternatives, it could become very messy. Sometimes tradition isn’t always the answer, and great weddings don’t have to follow all the rules, that’s what makes them unique.
March 4, 2014 at 10:05 pm #434130
I wouldn’t include her, your bridesmaids should be your nearest and dearest and she is not close with you. If your fiance wants her in the bridal party so badly he should have her as a groomswoman. Or possibly have her do a reading or do a speech, to include her but not have her as a bridesmaid. My fiance has a sister too and I am not close with her, so won’t have her as a bridesmaid. My fiance doesn’t expect me to include her as a bridesmaid, if he did I would tell him to shove it.
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