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friends inviting their own parents

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This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Kimberley Sattler 11 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #489057

    Ingrid v
    Member

    Hi,

    would love some help with this one. We have recently been planning our engagement party. We went to visit my fiance’s best mate with his wife and their new little one. So over the years his wife (who also happened to go to school with my fiance – they all did) has been unnecessarily controlling and assertive, quite frankly rude to me. My fiance and her have only been friends again since fiance’s best mate and her started dating – so about 4 years.

    Anyway, when we saw them, she proceeded to tell me that her parents were coming weren’t they? that if they weren’t invited, they would invite themselves (as they had to her now husband’s sister’s wedding).

    I dislike her parents immensely. Although these people are good friends of ours, I do not want her parents there. These people decided to have all the parents of the bridal party at their wedding and it is not something i want to replicate as they are not all close to us. I gave my fiance the option of inviting his best mate’s parents which he did, but we are leaving it at that.

    The issue is that my fiance now thinks we should invite her parents so it doesn’t upset her to say we would rather not invite them. I would actually not be completely dismayed if they turned up at the engagement as it is more casual, but i certainly don’t want them at our wedding!

    Any suggestions?

    #489117

    That is so rude to assume they would be invited! At the end of the day her parent’s are really no-one to you or your husband, so they absolutely shouldn’t make the list. I do however understand your husband inviting his best friend’s parents. My fiancĂ©es best mate’s parents are very close to my fiancĂ©e as they’ve been friends for years, so that one makes sense.
    To save any hassle or awkwardness, I would completely put the blame on finances. Say something like, “I know you had parents of the bridal party at your wedding, but we are so strict on our budget right now so unfortunately we won’t be able to do the same. There’s so many people we would have loved to have there but we simply can’t. I’m sure you understand”.
    I personally would leave it at that, but if you’re feeling guilty you could extend the invitation to the engagement party. Follow on by saying something like “Even though we wouldn’t be able to have them at the wedding we’d still like to have them celebrate with us, can you give me their address so I can invite them to the engagement party?”.
    That way you’re making it incredibly clear they won’t be attending the wedding.
    If the parents themselves bring it up with you, rehash the above firmly – we would have loved to have had you but we are limited with finances and number of guest constraints at the venue. Stress that there’s many others that missed out too but you’ve invited them all to the engagement party.
    Good luck…I’m still shaking my head at that! What an awkward position for you to be in!

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