- April 4, 2013 at 2:21 pm #374019
So my fiancé and I had our engagement party last weekend, a very informal affair, and at it I was chatting to my oldest friend who I don’t see much of anymore and she kept dropping hints about being a bridesmaid! I chose and asked my bridesmaids a month ago and she is unfortunately not among them. I asked her over for dinner next week and now I am regretting it as I’m afraid she might bring it up and I don’t know what to say to her! Help!April 4, 2013 at 7:51 pm #374165
I guess the best thing is to be upfront with her and don’t let her go on thinking it. Maybe the dinner is a great time to bring this up, get rid of the elephant in the room. Just let her know who your bridesmaids are, hopefully you will be able to just give her that info and not continue to talk about it then move on. If she does mean a lot to you due to history, maybe ask her to do a reading or something. Something nice my friend did to the girls not in the bridal party was ask them to wear her fav colours and got some nice pro shots with them before the reception, they looked like they all belonged to the wedding (but were dressed differently from the BMs) and felt a bit specialApril 6, 2013 at 2:28 pm #374391
Hi Dash, it’s really hard when people automatically expect things of your wedding isn’t it? I have the issue that my family is expecting my fiance and I to have my niece as our flowergirl, when we’re not really interested in having a flowergirl at all! I agree with Dankistar, rather than letting her continue with the thought that she will be a bridesmaid you need to let her know you’ve chosen them. Rather than saying it directly at her though, say something along the lines of ‘now I have to go shopping with the girls for bridesmaids dresses’ or ‘now that we’ve finally chosen the bridal party we have to….’. That way you’re letting her know she’s not a bridesmaid without telling her specifically, as well as not letting her know you knew she was expecting to be one. Hopefully this will let her then deal with the disappointment in her own way. I would then ask her to do the reading after letting her know she’s not a bridesmaid so that will cheer her up a bit. Maybe ask her to help you decide on something? Invitation design or something? So she still feels included. Good luck!April 8, 2013 at 9:16 am #374437
Thanks ladies, this is great advice. I think I will try and mention the bridal party in passing without making it a big deal, as EmeraldBride suggested, hopefully she will be polite enough not to say anthing directly to me. She is my first choice to do a reading, but unfortunately my fiancé and I haven’t decided whether we definitely want any readings yet, so I don’t want to get her hopes up. I am seeing my friend tomorrow night so fingers crossed everything turns out okay!April 17, 2013 at 2:46 pm #380739
I am having the same dilema! I am only freshly engaged and I have an old friend from high school who I am no longer close with but still chat to frequently. She made a comment a week ago about “obviously we are each others bridesmaids” and I just changed the subject straight away.
The other girls comments above are great, and have pointed me in the right direction too!!April 17, 2013 at 11:05 pm #380941
Hi Dash, how did you end up going?
I was actually a little worried I’d have the same problem. I’ve been engaged before, a few years ago, and had a high school friend as a bridesmaid. I thought she may assume she’d be one again, even though we only see each other once or twice a year. We’re still good friends, but the distance is there. My fiance and I have now decided we want a 20 person wedding in New Zealand, and we’ll be having 2 attendants each. It will help her understand and I don’t think she’ll be offended that I haven’t asked her to be a bridesmaid again.
Hope you girls are lucky in having your school friends understand.
Gemima—– love the name, haha!April 28, 2013 at 4:51 pm #384923
Love this thread! Like many of you here I’ve got the same problem. I’m my sisters MOH by default when her bridal party pulled out and she’s now expecting to be part of mine. I’m not looking forward to breaking the news to her :-/
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