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Fighting :(

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This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  EmeraldBride 3 years, 3 months ago.

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  • #413503

    I’m really upset tonight.
    My fiance and I finally got engaged after being together for so long and having a baby together and so I said I didn’t want a long engagement, I just wanted to be his wife. He said he was happy to do whatever I wanted.
    I originally wanted to just elope because I don’t get along with my family and don’t speak to one sister at all, to the disgust of my family. But my fiance said he would like to do it a little more traditionally and just have immediate family and a couple of friends. So even though I wasn’t convinced, I started planning this.
    After I started planning this though, my fiance has started going back on it and talking about eloping. I got really upset because I’ve put a lot of time into the planning that I’ve already done and said that I felt like I’ve been wasting my time when I thought decisions had been made so we went back to what had been decided.
    So at the moment we are choosing a celebrant. He has it in his head that a friend can legally marry us without being a celebrant. I’ve told him so many times that this isn’t the case but he keeps pushing it. The latest is that he wants to go to the registry office, sign the papers and just do the ceremony whenever with a friend acting as celebrant. I said that I didn’t like this idea because what he is suggesting to me is eloping, and I’d either like to have a wedding and get married at it, or elope and not waste the time and money on a ceremony for people that will probably be all cranky over various family feuds anyway.
    I’m so upset. We just want to have a wedding our way and because of the dramas everyone else wants to create, it’s causing so much tension between us. I can’t believe I was stupid enough to think I could plan a small and simple wedding without stress. I’m tearing my hair out and we haven’t even decided on where we are having our reception!

    #414895

    Hi Angela, I hope I’m able to help… We originally wanted to elope as well and are now having a pretty big wedding. Our budget has doubled, and I’m starting to wish we’d eloped as well, but we’ve booked everything and would be losing thousands if we cancelled it all.
    But I want my father to run our ceremony, so we had to talk about that. We considered what your fiance is suggesting, going to the registry’s office and then having the ceremony on a seperate day, but my fiance felt that it would be ruining the wedding day. So what we’re doing is having a celebrant at the ceremony to say the legal part, and my father is doing the rest of the ceremony for us. My father will actually run the first half of the ceremony, telling a story about us as a couple, each of us saying our personal vows, saying part of the legal part that only has to be witness by the celebrant, and saying a prayer for us, then our celebrant will step in for the last 5 minutes just to say the legal parts that she is required to say by law, announce us man and wife, and then we sign the papers. We’ve found a wonderful celebrant who fully supports us, and actually loves the idea of us having my father be so involved, and she’s said she’ll do the bare minimum that she must legally do.
    Would you consider doing this? How close is your fiance’s friend? Would you be happy with them running the ceremony and having a celebrant witness it and then step in for the last 5 minutes for the legal part?

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