Feeling Guilty!

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  ExcitedBrideToBe09 3 years, 11 months ago.

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    Hi Girls, 
    I’m getting married next year away from my hometown, I’ve done my best to give everyone plenty of notice including save the dates. After a conversation with my bridesmaid, I’m starting to feel guilty about what it’s going to cost my guests to attend my wedding. The guilt started after I came up with a fun idea for my hens night (girls day and a night at a local resort, like a sleepover) the idea means my friends would have to pay some money, my hens will be a good 6 months before my wedding and my friends will again be given plenty of notice. My BM made the statement that while she understands why I want to do my idea, she didn’t see the point of paying x money for something when it was easier to go home, given the money needed to get to my destination and dress etc. This started to make me panic that everyone (other bridesmaids included) would feel the same, I don’t want to seem selfish but I do love my hens idea and I can understand her side as well, I’m thinking yes I could not have the night at the resort as other parts of the day will cost money but I can’t shake the guilt of making people pay to attend my hens as well as my wedding. 
    I hope my story makes sense and if someone is/has been in the same situation any advice to help would be great! 



    Hi Excited Bride.
    Tradition is that your bridesmaids organise your hens night, so I would say just give them some guidelines about what you would like and let them organise it. Maybe you could just have a sleepover at one of their houses? If they organise it, they are sure to plan something they are comfortable with money-wise, and as a bonus you will get to be surprised!
    As for your wedding, as long as you are being reasonable about it (and you sound like you are), don’t worry about it! If you are asking people to travel, try to find a range of accommodation at different price points and don’t make anything that involves spending money complusory. For example, saying everyone must stay at a 5 star resort would not be ideal! Another option would be to insist of no gifts as people are travelling.
    You may want to have an honest chat with your bridesmaids about costs. Sit down with them and outline who will be paying for what, and what budgets are. Keep in mind that whatever they have to pay for, they should have some say in. Think dresses, shoes, hair, make up, jewlery, flowers, travel, accommodation – it adds up quickly! For example, I’m going halves with dresses, they can wear shoes they already have, I am going to pay for hair, make up and flowers and I don’t think we will bother with jewlery. But a dress could be $400, shoes $100, hair and make up $150 – that’s over $600 without travel. As brides, we see much bigger numbers for other elements of the day, so it doesn’t look like that much. But we are happy to spend money to make our wedding perfect. This is your day, not theirs, so although they will be thrilled for you, they won’t be as keen to shell out money. If any of them have limited income, be aware of it.
    All that said, weddings are expensive and I am sure your bridemaids and guests appreciate that. And it is your day and it should be what you want!
    Hope this helps.


    Hi Bec,
    Thanks for the advice, I will speak to my BMs about the hens night idea and leave it to them, to make the call, I just made the suggestion.
    My BM has asked for a list of things I expect her to pay for as a guide of what it will cost, so far their expenses are the dress, I gave a number of styles i liked and let my BMs choose what they wanted, shoes which at the moment i’m thinking nice sandals as its a beach wedding. I’m paying for their hair & makeup, I didn’t even think about them paying for flowers, I thought I’d pay for them. I’m considering paying for a nights accommodation for my BMs as well if I can afford it, as I’d like them to stay where I am, however there re different priced rooms avaliable. 
    I do want to make things as easy as possible for everyone, with my save the dates I sent out a list of all the accommodation in town, it’s a small coastal town, there are all kinds of accommodation from caravan park cabins to hotel/motels. My mum thinks I am going above and beyond but I just can’t shake the guilt/obligation – maybe it’s because I really want those invites to attend. Thanks again :-) 

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