Etiquette for close family members – they are wearing the same colour as the bridesmaid!

Home Forums Bothered brides Etiquette for close family members – they are wearing the same colour as the bridesmaid!

This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  HappyG 3 years ago.

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    This is really bugging me and I know I should just chill out about it but I can’t!  My bridesmaid is wearing midnight blue lace, it’s not a bridesmaid dress because she’s over 50 and we thought it would look silly for her to wear a traditional, long bridesmaid type dress.  The groom’s family have known this since mid last year.  Now I have found out his sister-in-law is wearing a long dress in navy blue which looks very much like a bridesmaid dress.  Not only that, but his mother is wearing a lace navy blue dress!  I don’t get it, aren’t they meant to dress in something other than the same colour as the bridesmaid, I thought that was the ëtiquette”of weddings, along the same lines as not wearing black or white to a wedding.  I think my future sister-in-law is trying to become a member of the bridal party!  I don’t want to say anything to them in case I upset them.  What do other knotties thinK?  Am I overreacting?


    Mrs. Bum

    I had a similiar issue with my MIL, She wanted to wear ivory and when I suggested that she wear a different colour she expressed her frustration with the colour my bridesmaids are wearing becuase “purple is her colour”.
    My advice to you is to get your Fiance to try and speak with them, because if you approach them yourself you will be the bad guy. If he doesn’t want to get involved then perhaps you could approach it, but you must do it gently and diplomatically and hopefully with your fiance’s support if possible.
    I wish you all the best. It’s a tricky one. What you must remember is not to let it absorb you and try to let it go if it doesn’t go as planned.



    IMHO It sounds like they’re trying to match your theme based on what you’ve said about what what the bridesmaid is wearing, but it’s impossible to know unless you talk to them. In the end they can wear what they want, but if it really upsets you then you really need to say something before it is too late.
    Navy is a flattering colour for older or larger people as it is slimming without looking colourless like black can, perhaps suggesting some other colours such as purple, maroon, grey, dark green or even black with coloured accessories, panels or embellishments. Give them options instead of saying “that’s not ok”.
    Etiquette of what colours to wear to a wedding stopped being as relevant at least 10 years ago; married couples to be, wedding planners and guests are all getting on the bandwagon to be adventurous and push  the boundaries on what a wedding should be and how it should be celebrated. Guests fight back against outdated rules of convention and don’t feel they should have to be told what to wear, and a lot of modern brides don’t want their guests to be uncomfortable and are pretty relaxed (within reason).
    So if you expect the kind of wedding with traditional dress codes, I would recommend adding something about it in your invites to prevent any nasty shocks, whether a simple note on dress codes or a link to your wedding website with further information and youtube links. Another option is to choose a venue with strict dress-codes as they will prevent entry of guests who don’t fit the requirements (but this may cause you to lose face with guests who travelled all that way only to be asked to leave, have some emergency clothes in the cloakroom just in case).

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