- October 8, 2014 at 2:10 pm #467978
So we found the PERFECT VENUE totally perfect and we’re in love, only problem is it’s 5hrs away. His family is 7hrs away from sydney and it means they’d have to travel another 5hrs on top of that for our wedding. Now I may be, being selfish but all our friends don’t care where it is. My godfather is flying all the way from the other side of the globe for one day and we love the place and the family isn’t willing to travel that far. His mother and other family members are trying to get us to compromise and have it at a venue near his parents so then the rest of the family only have to travel 7hrs and our friends only have to travel 30mins-1hr so then everyone has to travel. Yeah I get that but should we have to compromise? I really REALLY don’t want to get married near them PURELY BECAUSE I DON’T LIKE ANY VENUES NEAR THERE at all. Every time I tell MIL that we’ve looked at a place, she asks where then rolls her eyes. Seriously, WHAT DO I DO?! HELP!!!October 8, 2014 at 7:16 pm #468024
So your asking his family to travel 13 hours for your wedding?? That’s the same time it takes to fly from Melbourne to LA. It’s a BIG ask, personally if it was me travelling that far for a wedding, I would consider not going. It’s not only their time (13hours or a whole day of travel each way) but their cost (I’d imagine about $1000 or more between travel, food and accommodation). If you chose that venue you would need to accept that your essentially having a destination wedding and can’t expected everyone to come.
At the end of day what are your priorities? Having family there or having EXACTLY what you want. I think weddings do involve compromise, it can be location, date, cost, guest list, at some point you will need to compromise with yours or his family.
I can’t imagine that somewhere within an hour or 2 radius of the ideal location there is no venue that can’t work. Sometimes you need to be creative with the venue. Don’t just look at wedding venues but look at golf courses, wineries, gardens, historical homes, restaurants, parks, regional properties. A venue can be transformed with the right styling.
Ultimately the decision is yours and your fiancé, how do you both really feel about not having all family there? Have you spoken to his family, are they willing or able (they might not have the funds) to travel? If their not, are you willing to not have them there?
At times in wedding planning it’s easy to think it’s all about us but ultimately a wedding is also about the families and their needs should be considered.October 9, 2014 at 2:29 pm #468137
Asking family to travel that far is definitely crossing over into bridezilla territory, especially as you don’t seem willing to compromise. If they’re having to travel more than 2-6hrs it is more of a destination wedding and as a result you need to make those same accommodations that you would for an overseas wedding.
Simply because some friends are kind and generous enough to give you their time and effort to make that journey, does not mean it should be expected. You may have to choose between compromising on a venue or not having family there; and personally I would at least offer to arrange or partially pay for transport and accommodation.October 9, 2014 at 5:39 pm #468178
It’s not that I EXPECT anything from them. It’s his mums side of the family. It’s a big family his mum and dad and sister live close, one of his uncles and his family and one of his aunts and her family (both on his mums side) live close his grandma and aunt on his dads side live close and all our friends live close. His uncle is flying from the UK as i just found out. Everyone else is in Sydney. The rest live in the middle of nowhere. I don’t know anymore.October 18, 2014 at 1:13 pm #469292
If you do chose to use that venue, one thing to research first is local, reasonably priced accommodation. If you have 100 guests you’ll need to ensure that there are 100 beds of reasonably priced accommodation (ie. not a $300 a night b&b) within a close distance to the venue. A friend of mine went to a wedding that was 4 hours out of melbourne (almost all guests and the couple lived in melbourne) and there was very little accommodation near the venue. Some guests had to stay over 45mins away from the venue just to get accommodation. You’ll need to consider where everyone will stay and if your willing to pay part of accommodation costs, you’ll also need to consider transport. Can you arrange a bus or does everyone need to drive?October 23, 2014 at 4:25 pm #469855
I totally agree with Bec, you need to ensure there is appropriate accommodation and transport to prevent this event from being an imposition. Make special arrangements for your guests (especially if you will not be covering their stay), for example you could look into group discounts for reserving multiple rooms, arrange something like an event, welcome baskets, or pay for a meal as a thank you.October 24, 2014 at 9:25 am #469883
Thanks ladies, I appreciate all the advice. Due to the way some people were acting people have decided that my opinion doesn’t matter and we HAVE to have the wedding close to his parents. This “compromise” has sort of devastated me. I WOULD HAVE KILLED FOR THE PLACE I FELL IN LOVE WITH. But it’s his family and I have to accept that. Gotta admit. I’m a bit heart broken.October 28, 2014 at 2:05 pm #470425
Deneuz… that makes me so sad! I meant to reply to your post last week but got busy with work – so sorry to be a late contributor. But honestly… its yours and your fiance’s wedding… its not about anyone else. It is especially not about your MIL. Yes by sticking to your guns you may lose out on a few guests… but they are the guests that don’t quite understand that this is your special day and actually not about them at all. It wouldnt matter WHERE in the world my nearest and dearest decided to marry because if they are my nearest and dearest Id be there by hook or crook… and if I didnt feel the relationship warranted such an investment of time/money/effort to attend then I would gracefully decline the invite and perhaps send a gift and card.
From a practical perspective I would certainly ensure that there is adequate accommodation and its accessible. But aside from that – they are all grown adults and I’m sure have ample time to make necessary arrangements if they decide to attend. And a compromise would be having something closer for EVERYONE not just close to your In-Laws… unless of course they are covering costs of the wedding in which case you do unfortunately need to be more accommodating to them.
My own parents have told me they dont know whether they will be able to make my wedding which is 18 months away and a half-way point between where I live in Australia and where they currently live – they move around ALL the time – in the UK. They even had the nerve to ask me why I wasn’t more ‘thoughtful’ in planning two wedding events – one in each country so people wouldn’t have to travel! People will ALWAYS make it about them and make out that the bride/groom are not being very thoughtful toward their guests… but they have either forgotten or never actually planned a wedding.
The one piece of advice that I was told time and again was that it will be impossible to please everyone so focus on making it your special/perfect day and feel blessed for those that can make it. I wouldnt care if it just ended up being my fiance and I as it would still be perfect because it was exactly as we wanted it to be.
Good luck with it xDecember 3, 2014 at 4:56 pm #473302
Genernally speaking, if I am asked to attend a wedding that will cost so much time, I will not go. Even though it is your wedding, but you will want everyone to be happy, right?
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