- May 19, 2014 at 7:09 am #440296
This is my first post here and I wanted to poll the internet about something that my partner and I have been curious about. We have been togeather for 8 or 9 years (who’s counting?) and have a unique marriage–we didnt have a wedding ceremony. We’ve always viewed the daily life we have built together as the evidence of our union. We arent religious and couldn’t care less about the legal implications of “making it official”. We dont want to have any kind of special day for ourselves where we become the center of our firends’ attention. We obviously realize we are the minority when it comes to our views–all of our closest friends are married or engaged and more power to ’em. This is just who we are and have always been.
Since we are from another planet, we are legitimately curious about what people think of the following question and didnt want to inadvertantly offend our friends by asking them directly (not that we are planning to do this): Is it acceptable to formally announce, without a wedding, that we will spend the rest of our lives together and set up a registry where our friends and family can choose to buy us gifts as a sign of support as we begin our adult lives (buying a house etc., we could use the help as much as anybody) Why or why not?
Additionally, my sister recently had a traditional wedding to which my loving parents gladly made a substantial financial contribution. Is it out to lunch to have expectations in this regard? Mind you, I’m not about to ask them to shell out some dough for our non-wedding/honeymoon, but the gifts/”start-up” cash would help us out the same as it did my sister. It would be super cool to just be able to do things our own way but I’m not sure its possible. What do you think?June 8, 2014 at 11:04 am #442337
lim going to be honest and say if I had friends that did that, I wouldn’t buy them a gift. One reason why people buy gifts for weddings is because they know the bride and groom have spent a large amount of money for them to be there. No wedding gets more back in gifts then what the bride and groom spent (even if they had help paying for it), so the idea of getting gifts from weddings to help ‘set themselves up’ doesn’t really work.
People would also think, ok so they want a gift now, then a house warming gift and then what happens if they do decide to get married? It comes across as simply you and your partner trying to get gifts which is very different to a wedding in which you don’t expect people to give more than what you’ve paid for or in some cases, I have people coming to my wedding which I know won’t give a gift but I want them there be part of my marriage.
i would suggest you talk to your parents about helping financially for a house deposit instead of a wedding either now or in the future. This would also depend on their views of who pays for the wedding, they helped your sister but they might see it as your partners parents job to help for any future wedding (and therefore for money for a deposit).
Once you’ve purchased your own house, have a house warming, however it is unusual to have a registry for a house warming.June 10, 2014 at 4:17 pm #442480
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Hi Bob Mckensey
I think your question won’t affect much people, because different people will obviously have different views on it, for me it doesn’t matter to show people that you guys are together. Stay blessed and be happy!August 24, 2015 at 11:35 pm #488327
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