Do I go to the wedding of my BIL who just dumped my partner as a groomsman?

Home Forums Bothered brides Do I go to the wedding of my BIL who just dumped my partner as a groomsman?

This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Kirraleej 3 years, 7 months ago.

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    I got engaged on a surprise cruise around NZ in March this year, it was the most amazing and wonderful 2 weeks of my life.
    My partner has 2 brothers, both older, and both quite nasty. I, in my own right, am someone who can be quite blunt, and say things how it is, while they are both the smile-with-a-cloak-and-dagger-in-the-ribs type.
    Long story short, I have PTSD from a really horrible history, but I’m working my ass off in therapy to try to break it down so that it’s manageable and I can go back to work one day….I’ve tried to do it 4 times over 4 years, and keep falling flat on my face.
    His brothers are HORRIBLE about my PTSD, our entire relationship, our financial status, what we choose to do, our jobs, everything they can be vicious about, they are. My Christianity is a favourite to pick on, even though I never go to church and was raised in an extremist manner and barely raise the topic if I can help it.
    The middle brother was married 2 years ago in China, the amount of bullying that went on there was phenomenal, to the point where I was so depressed, anxious and stressed that I cried myself to sleep and woke up crying every day for nearly the entire 2 weeks we were there.
    I also got sick because no one gave a crap and told me to shut up when I asked if there was pork in the food we were eating (high sensitive, will vomit copiously), and ended up eating pork because I couldn’t tell it was in the dish.
    That marriage broke up 1 year ago, because it turned out that the brother in law was cheating on his wife for the entire marriage, and deliberately had a child with the mistress, who is now 7 months old.
    The oldest brother is getting remarried in 4 weeks, and his last marriage ended similarly. I will be 6 months pregnant at the time of his wedding, and off medication because I’m pregnant.
    We got a call today saying that one bridesmaid had pulled out of the wedding, leaving uneven numbers in the wedding party, so as a result my partner was asked (instead of the other friend or other brother) to step down as a groomsman.
    My partner just paid $400 for a tailor made suit so that he wouldn’t look shabby at the wedding (something else they pick on him about).
    Should I go to this wedding? The only people I will know are my 2 brother in laws, I don’t even know the bride, when all I’m going to be is stressed out of my mind because of the PTSD and anxiety from being around so many people.
    And if I DO go, then I’ll be picked on for not enjoying myself and looking miserable at what is supposed to be their special day.
    My pregnancy is hard enough, should I really add to it by going, or should I find a polite response and go find a gourmet chocolate lounge for the day instead?



    Wow hun! That’s a terrible dilemma to have. Have you spoken to FH about how you feel? Tell him everything and ask what he thinks. He sounds like he is very understanding of your situation and could be happy for you to stay at home. I have had problems with my FH family on occasionally too, and while I would love to give them all a miss I have to respect my partner and his wishes. Sometimes it’s easier to be selfless and put up with crap, than risk the fallout and stress for your partner. Talk to him and see what he thinks. 



    If it was me I’d just be saying  its too stressful while pregnant and while you’d love to come, you wouldn’t want to accept the invitation and then not being in a position to attend, so ill decline.
    then coz I’m a cow: ill make sure I’m availible to attend your next wedding!
    Or if you’re not as much of a cow as me: perhaps I could manage to attend the ceremony but save you the expense of the reception.

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