Dilemma regarding family.

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Nightgoddess 3 years, 6 months ago.

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    Hi everyone! Hopefully this won’t be too long.
    I’m just starting wedding planning and already want to give up and elope. My dream wedding is honestly immediate family, and very few close friends. I don’t want bridesmaids, and only would like my daughter as a flower girl. FH agrees, and the only guests he wants is his grandmother (who raised him as her son), best friend, and uncle. He does not want any of the rest of his family there. 
    Obviously his family situation is somewhat complex. A lot happened of unfortunate stuff happened, but so has a lot of healing, and he is on reasonable turns with his mother now, they aren’t close, but she would be very hurt if she was not invited, as would his sister. 
    A small destination wedding sounds perfect… but FH’s grandmother’s health is failing and she would not get travel insurance which is unfortunate. We both really want her to be there. We don’t want to hurt his families feelings, but can’t think of a way to do it without inviting them. My mother actually suggested we elope, but our daughter will only be 2 1/2 years old, and we would absolutely not do the ceremony without her there. 
    Any suggestions on what to do would be lovely! Advice?


    Hi B2B,
    You can still Elope or have a destination wedding and still involve the FH Grandmother despite her health issues. There are so many beautiful locations within NSW, if not Australia where you will be able to go & share your special day.
    You may not need to worry about travel insurance. I know health is very unpredictable but if the grnadmother falls ill within a few days before the wedding, there might be the option to have her flights or accommodation offered as a credit or hold for future use. I am not sure how you are placed financially so dont really know if this could be an option for you.
    It might be an idea to pick a destination where there a good medical providers near by, like the Hunter Valley, Sunshine Coast – at least then its piece of mind that if the grandmother needs medical attention, help is not far away.
    There is most likely a million things running through your head, but just take a moment & breathe. it will all come together in the end, you will have an amazing day & you will look beautiful.



    I think that if what you truly want is a small intimate wedding, then you should just do it. Ultimately, your wedding day should be about you and your husband (and your daughter!). I know it’s hard to tell people they aren’t invited, but if you just tell them you’re only having a small wedding, and then maybe have a dinner/BBQ and show photos? They may be hurt, but whatever has happened, has happened and they can’t pretend that it never did and everything is hunky-dory.
    Maybe you could have the small destination wedding somewhere in Australia? Depending on whether you want beach or country, you could pick your location based on how far grandmother can travel.


    I had a slightly different situation when i was engaged to my ex. it was my fathers family giving us issues and my exs mum overstepping the boundaries in an attempt to control the wedding. I tell you what i learned from that experience. It’s sad to have a broken family and its stressful to think what these people may say and do but ITS NOT WORTH IT. If you don’t want people at the wedding you have no obligation to those people. Its your day and your wedding. It may strain your relationship with your future mother in law but if its not comfortable for both of you, then whats the point? Simply put tell her that you wish to have a very intimate wedding and that your budget allows for the group of people you have planned for. 
    Your future hubby should be the one who handles his mother, he should be able to talk to her reasonably. If thats too duanting you may have to consider adding mum and sis to the wedding. Only do that if its not going to cause you further issues though. I din’t invite my dads brothers and sisters to our engagement party because: it was too big, we are not close, when alcohol is involved they fight and there are some very hard feelings from when my grandmother passed away. As a result i dont speak with one of my unlces anymore. Its no harm done on my half as if he had been there i imagine an argument and a huge fight would break out with dad.
    Otherwise januaryanne makes some excellent suggestions. Aus has some pretty nice places to get married, home away from home style. As for the grandmother i dunno how her health is but when my uncle was getting married my grandmother was bed ridden with cancer with no prospects for surviving to the wedding date so we held a ceremony with a celebrant at her bed. We witnessed the vows but they didnt sign a paper. It was a commitment ceremony. I don’t know if thats for everyone but it was a touching ceremony non the less qnd my grandmother accepted that as her sight of the wedding.
    Hope this helps. And good luck. Try not to stress over it too much. Future mum in law and sis in law will have heaps of time to get over it and if they truely care then it should not be an issue. If it is i guess you just have to accept you can’t make evryone happy and nor should you be responsible for everyones happiness, especially on your wedding day. 

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