Bridesmaids are family, groomsmen are not

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  JessicaFay 3 years, 3 months ago.

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    My fiance and I have been discussing who we would like to pick for our bridal party and, whilst we want the same number of attendants, I am feeling a bit odd about the fact that I am choosing family and he isn’t really. I want my sister to be my maid of honour and my fiance’s three sisters to be my bridesmaids. He wants his best friend to be his best man, two other friends and his brother in law to be his groomsmen. I have a few very good female friends whom I have a feeling will be expecting to be asked to be bridesmaids; I guess they will be a little hurt that I have gone with family whilst my fiance hasn’t (he has two male cousins our age and I have a male cousin whom I am close with).
    How can I counter this feeling amongst my friends? Is it odd that I have decided to go with family and my fiance hasn’t?



    I don’t think it is odd at all. But I do think that you should be very sure about who you pick. It is lovely to have his sisters as bridesmaids, and if you are close to them, go for it. But consider if you will regret not having your friends? As lovely as sisters are, friends often know you better. I don’t know how I would be coping without my MOH best-friend to whinge about my future MIL to! You can’t do that with her daughters! I’ve chosen my best friend as my MOH and my sister as my bridesmaid. My fiance has his brother as the best man, and best mate as groomsman. He is much closer to his brother than I am to my sister, so that’s what worked for us. It does mean my brother is not included, so we asked him to be MC. We haven’t included his brother’s girlfriend. I felt a bit bad about it, but my fiance said not to. I’ve only met her a couple of times and their relationship is very rocky. So in conclusion, it doesn’t matter if you pick family and he picks friends, but make sure you are happy.


    Hi Jessica, I agree with Bec, you need to be happy with who you choose. I think it’s really generous of you to want to include his sisters but are you close friends with them? These four women are going to be part of the wedding planning for the next however long until the big day, so you want someone who you’re happy to chat to about everything and spend hours with…
    Whichever way you decide, whether you choose to have the sisters or your friends as bridesmaids, the others can always be included in the ceremony somehow by doing a couple readings or by greeting the guests as they arrive and handing out the ceremony programs or cups of throwing petals… Talk about it with your fiancee and see how he feels, and think about whether your sisters will really feel upset about not being bridesmaids (that is if you haven’t told them yet). I would actually say to take your time deciding and not tell anybody anything yet until you’re absolutely certain.



    Wow, it’s been so long since I first posted this!
    Asking my sister to be MOH was a choice I didn’t even have to think about, and when I thought about my bridesmaids my fiance’s sister were the first to spring to mind (above my friends). I have found that over the last year I haven’t spent a whole lot of time with my friends (although we do try to see each other whenever we can) and that I have been spending more time with family. My fiance’s eldest sister had a baby in January and we recently moved down the road from her, so we see her and her husband quite regularly now (at least once a week). I also used to work with another of his sisters for many years and we regularly text or talk on the phone (she doesn’t live close by anymore). His third sister (who also happens to be twins with the second sister) I don’t see that often and nor do I really socialise with her outside of family events. I just felt it was wrong to ask her sisters and not ask her.
    As for my fiance, he has been rethinking asking one of his friends to be a groomsmen as they have really drifted apart this year (the friend always makes excuses or cancels last minute whenever anything is organised and seems to pick other friends over us). Instead, he is thinking of asking my sister’s boyfriend (we are sure they are going to get engaged soon). We have found ourselves regularly catching up with my sister and her boyfriend for dinner and games nights and the like, so they have gotten very close.

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