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Bridesmaid woes

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  HappyG 2 years, 7 months ago.

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  • #438007

    I know this has probably been asked a million times and will no doubt be bad etiquette but I am in a position where I would like to ask a bridesmaid to no longer be a bridesmaid.  My friend I have known since high school, have always been close with and is the god mother to my children is a bridesmaid in my bridal party I dearly value her friendship but she has been so over committed when I became engaged I asked her what would suit her best coming as a guest a bridesmaid or maid of honor knowing she was pregnant and would have a newborn this year and didn’t want her to feel like she can’t make anything etc she said the decision was mine and I chose to include her as my bridesmaid because I wanted her around because she has been so busy and I have too I understand how life works but it’s been 12 months now and every time something is planned something comes up she commits and says she will come and then cancels last minute I gave lots of opportunities because I knew her circumstances but it’s time after time wedding dress shopping or wedding expos or things that weren’t hugely important so I wasn’t to bothered but the other bridesmaids were and understandably so but today really broke the camels back we all spoke last week about trying on the bridesmaids dress which I ordered one to get an idea of quality and sizing online and to order from there she suggested today and the time everyone agreed and those that could make it came and then we spoke again this morning to confirm it all but nothing from her and she didn’t turn up or let me know she wasn’t coming this is easily around the 10th time her not coming was happened I value our friendship and don’t want my wedding to come between that but I also have 2 young kids one with special needs
    and uni to juggle and manage to make time for my close friends in a 12 month space of time I’d certainly find it but it wasn’t until she needed something from me that she actually had the time to come for that but nothing else. My question is I would like to ask my cousin to be apart of the bridal party and ask her to come as a guest so she isn’t over committing herself and herb time but the age old question how do I do so without it costing my friendship with her.

    #438313

    Ky1iei1yK
    Member

    Just tell her the truth about how you feel, if she is a true friend, she will understand and accept your decision.
    I over committed on bridesmaids and then had to pick three out of seven friends – the ones I did not pick were fine with my decision!

    #438524

    HappyG
    Member

    It sounds like you’ve probably let her get away with it for too long, and you should have approached her about it after the first few times. It will probably seem like a shock now, so I would take my time, telling her more subtly that she needs to be there for the next meeting or you may have to ask her to step down as bridesmaid.
     
    Make a list of all the things you’ve needed her for and what she has/hasn’t done (ask her to do the same) and compare notes, she may just not understand her obligations or which things are important to you, it could be as simple as a communication error, so give her an opportunity to work it out. I would suggest talking to all of them and setting ground-rules that apply to everyone (including you), basic things like which events need everyone, which maybe don’t, and setting time to talk non-wedding stuff.
     
    I think it is all about how you word it, acknowledge that she is busy, and recognise her perspective, but also make your opinion clear (that you need more involvement from her). You’re well within your rights to ask her to step down at this point, but be nice about it.
     
     

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