- December 3, 2013 at 11:42 am #426998
So I got engaged last feb and asked my friend if she’d be my BM and she got really excited and said yes. 9 months on and she hasn’t spoken to me at all. She’s messaged my hubby to be a few times since the engagemnet, but not me and hasn’t mentioned the wedding at all. We don’t even get invited to her frequent trips to town or house parties anymore.
I’m a bit sick of her clear disinterest and want to ditch her as BM, but the problem is that she’s the one that introduced me and my hubby to be, so I’m being told by a lot of people that I have to keep her on as BM.
Am I just being silly in wanting to ditch her as BM (but still have her come to the wedding) or do I have genuine cause to be peeved?December 3, 2013 at 4:53 pm #427069
I don’t think your silly! A BM is meant to be there for you through the wedding planning (e.g. Phone calls, dress fittings, for advice) and especially on the day. I don’t think she needs to be a BM because she introduced you to your fiancé. A BM should be close friends or family, people you can cry in front of or will get excited with you etc.
try talking to her first (if she’ll answer) about your expectations of a BM (there’s a spot somewhere on this site that has their duties in detail) and ask if she’s prepared to do them. From my point of view a BM is about more than just showing up on the day (although this is technically all they HAVE to do) and I don’t think its unfair of you to expect more of her.
Think of it this way….right now she’s not really even being a friend. If you wouldn’t lose sleep over not having her in your bridal party or even as a friend then I wouldn’t be having her as a BM.December 3, 2013 at 5:02 pm #427071
I think it’s ultimately your decision who you want to be your BM. If you want you BM to be more involved in the planning process then maybe approach her with a few ideas about the wedding, and ask what her opinion is on it. Try communicating with her what level of involvement you’d like her to have. So far our bridesmaids haven’t been overly involved in the process which suites my fiancee and I fine, but you may want more involvement.
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