- May 14, 2013 at 3:57 pm #389691
I am having a dilemma with my bridal party.
We got engaged in 2012 for a 2014 wedding. When I was calling my friends to tell them the good news a girl I have been friends with for years blurted out “I better be a bridesmaid”. At the time I was too full of excitement to really register what she had said or to rebuff her.
Now being May 2013 I am under a year out from out date and she still believes she is a part of my bridal party. I already have 2 other bridesmaids and 1 cousin I dearly want to be in my bridal party (but have not asked yet). 4 bridesmaids is way too many for our wedding! I know I let this go on and should have dealt with it sooner but I hate confrontation.
The main issues at this point are: 1: I never hear from her. And I mean NEVER. I saw her last on New Year’s Eve…over 4 months ago. We have had 3 text message conversations since then and all are driven by me. The other big issue that has come up is this: she knows that I will be having above the knee bridesmaid dresses (we are in QLD – it’s hot!) and she has now gotten tattoo’s all over, and I mean ALL over, her legs!!! I do not want to pay thousands of dollars for photos of her tattoos!
I NEED to let this girl know I cannot have her in my bridal party but I do not want to lose her friendship over this!
ANY advice would be fantastic!May 14, 2013 at 5:49 pm #389747
I can speak from experience. I always assumed I would be in my best friends bridal party and I soon figured out that I wasn’t when I was never asked to do anything. I eventually asked who she had chosen and she told me (2 sisters and one friend) and explained to me that she wanted to have me but because I live 3 hours away from her, she chose the friend who lived around the corner who would be able to help her do things. I was upset but completely understood and this hasn’t stopped me from choosing her to be in my bridal party. She made sure though that I was included in other ways, such as choosing me to be M.C and to hand out the balloons she released in memory of her mum. So perhaps you could do something similar for your friend.May 14, 2013 at 9:23 pm #389773
I would definitely say the sooner you get to it the better, she’s obviously going to continue to believe and she’ll start to wonder sooner or later why you’re not calling about dresses and hair styles, etc.
I’ll be in a similar situation soon… my sister (who is my bridesmaid) is expecting my niece to be my flowergirl, but I don’t want a flowergirl. Sooner or later I have to tell her, but I’ve discussed it with my fiance and said maybe we could just have her anyway to save a fight but he doesn’t want a flowergirl either. I’ve found (in previous disagreements) that staying united with your fiance works… there are still people who will be upset and don’t understand, but I just keep telling them that my fiance and I have discussed it and this is what we want and we have our reasons for wanting it this way, etc. That way you’re addressing this as a couple, and there’s no single bad guy.
As to how you approach it, I can’t be much help, but definitely do it in person. I wrote something similar to another girl, I said to invite her over for coffee and just mention how you need to start looking into dresses for the bridal party and how the girls are so excited (make sure you’ve already asked them by then), and if she asks why she hasn’t been considered bring up that you haven’t seen you in months, she never contacts you first and you’re assuming she isn’t interested, but you’ve discussed it with your fiance and you don’t want any more than 3. Then go on to say that you would be incredibly honoured if she would help you choose invitiations/shop for bouquets/look at dresses/hand out ceremony programs/ anything else she could possible help out with. Maybe even soften the blow by thanking her at the wedding along with everyone else who helped out?
Good luck!November 25, 2013 at 4:20 pm #426292
how did you end up resolving this ? awkward situation…December 19, 2013 at 11:23 am #428655
I agree with the others, talking to her as soon as possible about not being in the bridal party is a good idea. Yes she may be a little hurt at the beginning, but in the long run it will save you both a lot of grief.
As for her tattoo’s, even if she was in the bridal party it shouldn’t be an issue. As a friend/bridesmaid you should accept her as she is, and embrace her and her choices. There are cover-up options such as skin-coloured make-up, concealer (Illamasqua does a great one that is very comprehensive) or even opaque tights that you can discuss with her, but I feel you should embrace her in all her tattooed glory. Her tattoos are permanent, but a bridesmaid dress is not; they are an expensive, personal and long considered choice, and they often hold a lot of personal meaning.
As a bride you should be choosing dresses that are not just weather-appropriate, but suit the needs of your bridesmaids (this could mean providing more cover-ups for leg tattoos or not looking at strapless styles for bustier bridesmaids) you can look at longer dresses that are summer appropriate, like a more formal maxi-dress with embellishments and breatheable cotton.
Losing contact is a totally legitimate reason for not having someone as part of your bridal party (especially during a longer engagement), however not liking someone’s tattoo isn’t. You aren’t “paying thousands of dollars for photos of her tattoos” you are having photos of a day that should mean more to you than where someone chooses to put ink. The day will be about you and your partner, not one thing about one of your bridesmaids. And you can always talk to your photographer on the day to shoot creatively around them, they will be more than accommodating, and in the end you won’t even notice them.
-HappyG and Steph
February 4, 2014 at 5:18 pm #431615
Knee bridesmaid dresses doesn’t suits on every one. Sometimes it suits on someone and someimes may be not. How she has put tatoos all over her legs, I don’t like it.
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