- January 5, 2014 at 1:30 pm #428958
Hi Ladies (and Gents??),
I’m sure that this questions seems rather ridiculous but after trawling through the myriad of possible bridal faux pas and pittfalls, I want to make sure I don’t inadvertantly upset anyone by doing ‘the wrong thing’ so I’m seeking some advice from my fellow Knotties!
My sister is (and was always going to be) my MOH but I’m yet to ask my two other girlfriends to be my bridesmaids because I’ve been toying with the best way of asking them without putting them on the spot or making them feel like guilty if they aren’t able to do it (NB – our wedding date is over 12 months away, so I’ve got plenty of time, I’d just like to get this aspect sorted ASAP!).
To give a bit of context to my question, one of the girls I’ve chosen lives far interstate (5 hour flight away), has a baby under 12 months (sure, he’ll be nearly 2 by the time my wedding comes around, but it’s a factor!), and she’ll be heading back to work following her mat. leave mid-2014. In short, I’m well-aware that she’s got a full plate as it is and although I absolutely want her to be up there with me on The Day, I don’t want her to feel obligated to say yes if it’s going to put her under a lot of pressure!
Although I know the standard would be to (ideally) ask your girlfriends face-to-face or if that’s not possible, at the very least over the phone – I’m concerned that if I called and spoke to my girlfriend in question, she’d say yes without hesitation and bust her gut to help as much as possible (at the detriment to her own health and sanity!) so I really want to give her the space/ opportunity to think about whether or not being a bridesmaid is something she can realistically commit to.
Is a hand-written, heart-felt, snail-mail-posted letter to my leading ladies a viable option or would that be an unequivocal bride-to-be no-no?
Thanks in advance for your help, guys! I look forward to hearing your advice/ stories of how you managed similar situations.
January 9, 2014 at 9:25 pm #429464
To be honest, if you just say all of the stuff you have to us, she’ll appreciate all the time and thought you’ve put into it. The fact that you care so much will mean the world, so just be open and tell her that you would love for her to be part of your big day, but you also want to consider her life and circumstances.
If she’s not able to be a BM or MOH, talk to her about including her in other ways; does she have any skills or talents like design, craft or maybe singing that she can contribute in her own time? If she really can’t (and having a toddler will certainly keep you busy) then invite her to be a guest.
January 10, 2014 at 2:09 am #429466
Ava Hester MorganMember
Hello to you and congratulations! Well I really appreciate you being concern about the condition of your friends when it comes to attending your wedding and how would it affect their usual daily ativities. Aside from attending The Day, being a bridesmaid would mean that she has to have her measurements taken so she must travel from her place to yours which is basically a long one. So that menas that her schedule should be fixed first. However asking yoru girlfriend to be your bridesmaid should come as light as it could possible get. I would bet that once you tell her that you’re getting married, she would be so excited and might probably present herself as your bridesmaid. I don’t think there’s a need for a special letter but doing so would be a plus. Since your wedding will still be a year from now, I am sure that she could get her schedule. I am pretty sure she wouldn’t miss the best day of your life.January 26, 2014 at 6:38 pm #430638
Buy or make a card and include a letter explaining everything you want to say to her!
I’m using these (link below) as cards and will include little notes. Like you I have bridesmaids that live a LONG way away, so while I’d love to do it face-to-face with a bottle of wine, this will work well for the circumstances. I assume the long distance girls will get in touch with me once they get the card and we can go over roles and expectations then.
disclaimer: these may seem tacky for some, but are perfect for my group due to a long-standing joke!February 13, 2014 at 1:34 pm #432458
I actually posted in really cute post it boxes a little gift pack to each of mine….inside was a (plastic) diamond ring keyring, and a little letter asking them to be beside me during this mad adventure in becoming the next Mrs N…..I knew when I posted the first two off that one of my best friends wouldn’t do it, she has her reasons and I respect that (body image & very, very shy)…I also included in her little pack a small note letting her know I fully expected her to refuse, but me being stubborn wanted her to know she was wanted.
This same friend is, by her own offering, my “Invisible” bridesmaid… …my two BM’s live at opposite ends of the country whereas my MOH, “Invisible” & I live smack bang in the middle of them all. Each of them has little tasks to do for me…be it research, sending photos back & forth with opinions on dresses (wedding dress hunting was done this way…quite fun actually!!) or doing little crafty things to help take some pressure off me…they’re all very actively involved and very, very supportive!!
I made sure to list everything I expected from them as BM’s in the package, so they are fully aware of what they’re taking on…..and so far, with just under 18 months to go, I’ve been told off for not asking any of them to go beyond their respective tasks!!!
Be open with your friends when you ask them, no matter the way in which you do (I made sure I was out of the state when I posted the parcels….otherwise I would’ve had my butt kicked!!) Having been a BM myself previously, it’s an honour to be considered, and the BM’s don’t have nearly as much to be concerned with as the MOH….good luck!!! 😉
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