- May 2, 2013 at 1:06 pm #386595
Ok I need a place to B***H cause I just need to get it all out before I take it out on poor FH…
FSIL has added a random friend to her rsvp, she isn’t in a relationship, knows at least half of the people attending the wedding and (what feels like the most important part to us) she didn’t check with us first. She still lives at home with FMIL and after countless conversations she and I have had about how stretched our budget is, how we are having to cut back on some guests and also other bits and pieces because of our budget (FH is the only one working at the moment) we thought it would have been pretty obvious we couldnt include randome friends (who we have never met).
We tried calling FSIL to explain this and she wouldnt answer our calls, neither would FMIL, FH ended up texting his mother to explain it to her but still havent received any reply to that text yet I still hear from FMIL almost everyday…
Since then FMIL has started to become more and more difficult, she needs special food, demands I use her friend as a photographer (even though he will charge us $800 and I have a friend who is also a photographer who has offered to take all our wedding pictures free as our wedding gift) and is always sending me emails with pictures of her wedding outfit (which are ALL white).
I am trying to just laugh this all off as it is just petty and childish and they know FH and I wont back down as this is our big day but God it can be quite hard some times…
And added to all this I have had a few dramas on my own side of the family too… My grandmother announced I HAVE to use my 10yo cousin and my mothers cousins 10yo daughter as my junior bridesmaids (FH and I are having no bridal party… long story…) even though I havent seen them both since they were babies, and (after ALOT of explaining to our families) we decided not to have any children included in the wedding as we didn’t want anyone else to feel left out..
I told my grandmother I would think about it but most likely we wont ask them as we still don’t want any other children to feel left out and there are more in our families who we are alot closer to (my 7yo brother for instance) BUT she has already told the girls and their mothers I have agreed to it (before even suggesting it to me) has bought the outfits for the girls and expects us to pay her back for them!
GrrrrMay 3, 2013 at 1:00 pm #386885
The Future Mrs MMember
I have absolutely no helpful advice for you but just want to let you know that I think that you are a saint for keeping your cool with this lot. Your Grandmother cracks me up, fancy going ahead and buying the dresses herself!
You poor thing. I suggest wine.May 3, 2013 at 9:41 pm #387061
ExcitedBride… are we related? Our families sound very familiar… or did they just all go to the same ‘how to screw up the wedding’ seminar? Sigh… a honestly can’t believe your grandmother did that. I wouldn’t pay her back for the outfits and tell her you didn’t ask for it or give permission for her to do so and that you’re not having a bridal party or any children at any costs. I would then call the mothers of the two girls and tell them personally that there has been a misunderstanding and that your grandmother went and asked them without asking you first and assumed you would be okay with it when in fact you’re not having children or a bridal party for the reasons you’ve already described. Hopefully (hope hope hope) they are sensible women and understand. The girls may be crushed though, so you might need to buy a little gift for each, nothing too expensive, just to say sorry.
As for your fiance’s family, I would just put your foot down and say that the random friend is not invited (unless you put an add 1 on the sister’s invite?). You haven’t been asked, they have no permission to arrange your wedding without asking first, and she’s not coming. If she’s not going to bother contacting you then make sure the mother lets her know. Also, I would just tell the mother you already have a photographer, so unless she’s willing to pay for him then no thanks.May 4, 2013 at 9:24 am #387081
Haha yes Future Mrs M there has been ALOT of wine consumed!!!
EmeraldBride I think I saw posters for that seminar…
I talked to my Aunty and thankfully she understood, she knows what my grandmother is like.. Unfortunately my mothers cousin didn’t take it so well, because I haven’t seen/talked to her for YEARS I hadn’t invited her to the wedding and she is taking it personally. After a very long and guilty conversation I explained to her that we are only having a very small wedding with very close friends and family invited as our budget wouldnt allow us to invite everyone we would have liked to…
As for FSIL her invitation had no &Guest/&Partner/+1. We have made it as clear as possible (we live a few hours from them so cant pop around to check they got the picture) and if she still turns up with her friend then FH has told her they will both be asked to leave… Quite harsh but after all they have all put us through (this isnt the first set of dramas from them) and it’s the only way they will listen (hopefully)May 4, 2013 at 10:08 am #387083
Hi ExcitedBride, that doesn’t sound harsh at all and is exactly what I would have suggested, but I don’t know your fiance’s stand with his family. Good to see he’s putting his foot down. I’m glad to see your aunt is understanding, and hopefully your mother’s cousin will come around. Although didn’t she find it a little weird that she hasn’t seen you in years and you suddenly supposedly want her daughter involved? I would be very shocked if one of my mother’s cousins kids suddenly asked my son to be involved in their wedding. I can’t even remember all their names, and I haven’t seen them in over a decade.
Well, I hope things start turning out for you… Maybe take a couple days off? The day off I had was really nice, exactly what I needed. I was rugged up on the couch watching movies all day, surprised Daniel by turning up at his work when he was finishing, managed to have a hour just to ourselves before I needed to go pick up the kids then he came over for dinner. I don’t get to see him this weekend. I never realized it’s so hard to live away from your fiance. As I told him on Thursday, I never had a problem not living with him until he proposed. Now I want to see him even more to plan the wedding with him and get away from my family. Sounds like you’re getting a lot of support from your man!May 5, 2013 at 10:44 am #387103
EmeraldBride I think you’re right! FH and I have decided to take a few days off planning (a little scary considering we have 34 days to go now!!) but we know we desperately need it!!! FH is amazing, everyday I realise how lucky I am everytime we have to go through one of these stupid dramas! Wow I couldn’t imagine living away from FH I take my hat off to you!! I think I would go a little crazy!! well, crazier!June 11, 2013 at 5:56 pm #396815
F*** wedding s**t. It’s meant to be a happy occasion but somehow they bring out the very worst in unreasonable behaviour in guests and family. Mainly family though. Tell your future sister in law that if she wears white to your wedding, she will be laughed at.
Showing up with an extra ‘friend’ when she hasn’t been given permission to bring someone is just plain rude, and I agree – giving her the short sharp heave ho is the best way to handle it. Too bad if that makes for an awkward family christmas or two, but at least you know YOU were being reasonable.
Hope you had a really big glass of wine while you were writing all this down. And then I hope you had another before you rang your grannie and told her that any children forcibly included in the wedding procession/service will be pinched until they cry, fed lots of red cordial, sweets and coca cola before handing back to her to mind for the evening.
As for outfits. So not your responsibility. Yes, money *IS* tight for everyone (particularly you and fiance – probably footing most of it right?) but there should never have been any purchasing of anything until you were 150% okay with them being part of it. So they’re just going to have to suck it up or see if they return them, exchange them or ebay them. Or turn them in to curtains. So *not* your issue though right?
Bless you for hanging in there with all of this – I thought mine was complicated but at least I don’t have people making decisions for me! (Yet!).
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