- July 1, 2014 at 9:39 pm #444298
I have 4 people in my wedding party (not including bride or groom) there is 2 men & 2 girls.
what are people’s thoughts on having 2 maid of honours and no bridesmaids? I have already made 1 my maid of honour but she isn’t pulling her weight but my bridesmaid is doing everything with/ for me! I think my bridesmaid deserves to be something more, but don’t want to upset my already maid of honour!
PLEASE HELPJuly 1, 2014 at 9:43 pm #444299
I don’t want to upset my already maid of honour by demoting her to bridesmaid!!July 3, 2014 at 2:09 pm #445008
(I wrote a long response but my browser crashed, so I’ll try to sup it up)
First of all, is really important that you don’t compare your bridesmaids and stack up who does what or use it against them; each individual has their own reasons as to why they may not be able to contribute as much as someone else. For example: a bridesmaid who is a single mum with 2 kids under 5 will be too busy sorting out her life, cleaning vomit and planning this around her schedule to really care about which shade of pink you want yor ribbons to be; however a friend with a supportive partner and part-time work may have more time to help you. Of course, these are just examples, it can also have s lot to do with their personality, your friendship and the dynamics within the bridal party and/or friend group.
But the most common reason for bridal party issues is just a discrepancy between what you expect of your bridesmaids, what they think you expect, and what they expect of themselves. It’s really important that you speak to them individually and clearly state what you’d like them to be doing, and then really listen to what they feel they’re capable of doing or want to do. Be prepared to comprise, put yourself in their shoes and to change your expectations; but make a list of things you won’t budge on our can’t change for your own reference. Some bridesmaids will be stubborn and won’t budge, and some will feel targeted abdominal accused (so make sure they know you’re talking to everyone, not just her).
Don’t go “de-throning” anyone rashly, weigh your options, consider friendships that may become strained, awkward or even lost altogether.
July 3, 2014 at 2:11 pm #445009
And* ignore the spelling errors, auto-correct is such a pain!July 3, 2014 at 4:04 pm #445030
As far as I am concerned, the MOH’s only role is to buy the dress requested of her, turn up on the day, perhaps sign your wedding certificate as your witness, and perhaps throw a bachelorette/shower.
What exactly do you mean when you say that your MOH isn’t pulling her weight? If you have expectations greater than those listed, you really should have made these clear when you first asked this girl to be MOH and given her the option to decline/just be a bridesmaid if she couldn’t commit. Like Happy G said, a single mum with 2 kids under 5 is not going to be able to commit as much time and money as a single woman with no kids. To me, it sounds like a lack of or miscommunication regarding what is expected.
Whilst I certainly agree that you shouldn’t demote your MOH to a regular bridesmaid, I don’t know if you really need to promote the other girl to MOH as well. I am sure that there was a reason you didn’t originally pick her for MOH, and being a bridesmaid is also a great honour. Even so, there is nothing wrong with having 2 MOHs – to avoid either girl feeling slighted by your decison, you should make sure that ‘duties’ are divided evenly (eg. 1 can stand next to you during the ceremony whilst the other signs the certificate, etc).July 5, 2014 at 8:50 pm #445179
There is nothing wrong with deciding that they are both special enough to both be MOH you don’t have to have bridesmaids and titles, I have read about weddings where people haven’t had an official wedding party and on the day told everyone they were the wedding party if your groomsman is close enough he could be upped to best man and have two of them as well, we are using traditions that suit us, throwing out ones that don’t and adding some that we think would be fun
MOH role IMO is to be around, someone to bounce ideas off, help with diy stuff if possible although I’m doing all that myself but I’m pretty easy going I think it should be made more obvious to us brides that we should lay out our expectations of taking up the roles when we ask people to take part, I have seen this issue and in the end some maids and grooms just don’t know what is expected of them … Hope my input is of some help, kind of feel like I’m rambling a bit, so sorry about thatJuly 29, 2014 at 4:47 pm #447247
Oh,it is really seems upset. When you buy the bridesmaid dresses, you can tell them to try it on, this can avoid your problem!October 9, 2014 at 6:00 pm #468188
those are the two links i sent to my bridesmaids and to my MOH just after i asked them. I said if they can’t do it then let me know. If there’s problems let me know etc. I am being as flexible as i can. Just let her know what you want
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